Q: What do witches put on their hair?
A: Scare spray!
Q: What do they put in their vaginas?
A: I have no idea. Bats?
Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.
Q: When does a mummy laugh?
A: While pulling your children apart like wet lettuce.
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Dayscare centers!
Q: Where do unbaptized baby ghosts go?
A: Not Heaven.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
A: Because he had no body to go with!
Q: Why didn't the girl go to the party?
A: Because she was overweight, and no one could ever love a fat person!
Q: Why is Dracula so unpopular?
A: Because he murdered innocent people by puncturing their jugular veins .
Q: What's Dracula's car called?
A: It's a Honda.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton want to play football?
A: Because he was probably a homosexual.
Q: What is evil and ugly on the inside and green on the outside?
A: Oprah, if she was painted green.
Q: How can you tell when a witch is really ugly?
A: When she fucks all the wizards to boost her self-esteem .
Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
A: Nothing-that would be physically and theoretically impossible.
Q:Why did the witch wear a black pointed hat?
A: Because she was legally retarded, and was unaware of the most recent fashion trends.
Q: What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A: " OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ALL OUR SKIN?!"
Q: When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?
A: Right before you're raped.
Q: Why don't skeletons like parties?
A: Because they are Jewish skeletons.
A: What does a ghost eat for lunch?
Q: A BOO-logna sandwich!
A: Why did the ghost keep excusing her husband's abusive behavior?
Q: She felt she BOO -served it.
Q: Where do ghosts buy their food?
A: At the ghost -ery store!
Q: Where do they score heroin?
A: The park.
Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood!
Q: Why does P.T. Anderson consider himself a good filmmaker?
A: He buys into his own hype!
Q: When does a ghost have breakfast?
A: In the moaning!
Q: When did the ghost fuck your mother?
A: That was uncalled for.
Q: Haw haw haw!
Q: Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
A: So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Q: Why do they vomit after every meal?
A: To scare you!
Q: Where do ghosts mail their letters?
A: At the ghost office!
Q: Shouldn't they use the post office?
A: They find it unreliable.
Q: What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Q: That baby ghost looks familiar.
A: Perhaps you should call your wife.