Q: What do witches put on their hair?
A: Scare spray!
Q: What do they put in their vaginas?
A: I have no idea. Bats?
Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.
Q: When does a mummy laugh?
A: While pulling your children apart like wet lettuce.
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Dayscare centers!
Q: Where do unbaptized baby ghosts go?
A: Not Heaven.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
A: Because he had no body to go with!
Q: Why didn't the girl go to the party?
A: Because she was overweight, and no one could ever love a fat person!
Q: Why is Dracula so unpopular?
A: Because he murdered innocent people by puncturing their jugular veins .
Q: What's Dracula's car called?
A: It's a Honda.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton want to play football?
A: Because he was probably a homosexual.
Q: What is evil and ugly on the inside and green on the outside?
A: Oprah, if she was painted green.
Q: How can you tell when a witch is really ugly?
A: When she fucks all the wizards to boost her self-esteem .
Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
A: Nothing-that would be physically and theoretically impossible.
Q:Why did the witch wear a black pointed hat?
A: Because she was legally retarded, and was unaware of the most recent fashion trends.
Q: What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A: " OH MY GOD, WHAT THE f**k HAPPENED TO ALL OUR SKIN?!"
Q: When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?
A: Right before you're raped.
Q: Why don't skeletons like parties?
A: Because they are Jewish skeletons.
A: What does a ghost eat for lunch?
Q: A BOO-logna sandwich!
A: Why did the ghost keep excusing her husband's abusive behavior?
Q: She felt she BOO -served it.
Q: Where do ghosts buy their food?
A: At the ghost -ery store!
Q: Where do they score heroin?
A: The park.
Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood!
Q: Why does P.T. Anderson consider himself a good filmmaker?
A: He buys into his own hype!
Q: When does a ghost have breakfast?
A: In the moaning!
Q: When did the ghost f**k your mother?
A: That was uncalled for.
Q: Haw haw haw!
Q: Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
A: So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Q: Why do they vomit after every meal?
A: To scare you!
Q: Where do ghosts mail their letters?
A: At the ghost office!
Q: Shouldn't they use the post office?
A: They find it unreliable.
Q: What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Q: That baby ghost looks familiar.
A: Perhaps you should call your wife.
Fool me once ...
Not everyone WANTS to be famous.
Tour guides don't tell you all the gruesome stuff that goes down at famous locations.