Gifts That Might Indicate Your Parents Hate You
Xbox 359 Defective Tivo that only records Suddenly Susan reruns
That kitten you asked for six years ago-- in its current, partially decomposed state
A live hand grenade
Blood Work-not the Clint Eastwood thriller, but a full battery of medical tests that require the withdrawal of blood
A hard-learned lesson in the value of a dollar
Subscription to Metro, the free subway paper
"Nurse Me Through Heroin Withdrawal" Elmo Sweater from the GAP that went out of style back when "Tickle Me Elmo" jokes were still funny
New York Times best seller, Your Parents are Just Not That Into You
A sensible pair of slacks
Cleveland Subway System Train Set
Chiggers
Internship at Canoe Livery
Legend, the Bob Marley album that you've had since the seventh grade
Graph paper
MACE body spray
Sex tape of your conception w/ director commentary from your creepy Uncle Sal
Gift certificate to J. Crew
Sex and the City DVD and Sex-Pun Translator
Pittsburgh-opoly
Shoney's gift basket
Female condom, without instructions
Adopted mile of highway named after your father's nickname for you Day at Epcot with Mario Cantone
Brief alcohol-induced fit of affection
Thalidomide
60 GB Video iPod box filled with coal-- fake coal.
Girls Gone Talkative and Emotional video
Restraining order
Photosynthesis
Exacto knife, medical guide, puppy with brain tumor
Wow that us an amazing list I think mom got me money so she could still hate me
ReplyMy mom got me money and sensible slacks...I'm not sure how to deal with this news.
My mother has been giving me pajamas every Christmas for 6 years now.
ReplyI got a brick for Christmas one year. That's all. Just a brick. With a bow on it.
Replyi always got good stuff from my parents but my grandparents are a different story one year my grandpa gave me a f*****g block of wood. what am i suppose to wittle something.
ReplyLast christmas I got a yoyo and a dildo. Still deciphering that.
ReplyMy parents used to buy these toys they saw on television but neglected to note they needed batteries. On Christmas morning they ´d discover I couldn´nt do anything with my toys, ranted about how stupid modern toys need a ton of expensive batteries to work and then forgot all about it. These were supposed to be the gifts Santa brought me for being good, and they were all disappointed when found out I knew there is no Santa. But I´m sure they loved me... I think... :)
ReplySomeone sounds bitter.... (said in a singy, silly, hoity-toity voice)
ReplyIf my parents gave me the power of photosynthesis back then I'd probably go outside and play, because I'M SUCKING ENERGY FROM THE SUN BITCHES.
Reply...So...Maybe that would be an effective parental ploy, actually.
Here's what I have gotten in the past five years since dad remarried an started hating his daughters: magazine subscriptions to magazines targeted at 50-somethings, used shoes from the stepmom's closet,gourmet cookbooks calling for ingredients I can't afford, a dvd of their trip to the bahamas, kitchen utensils packed inside of a PC box, craft kits, yarn I will never use, knick nacks from said trips to the carribean
ReplyIOU for something that you do together, anyway.
ReplyBack in the 80's my parents borrowed an LP (Kids - I mean what came before CDs)from the library, recorded it onto tape, and gave me the tape as a present. It was only a minor present (I would have got something good as well), but 27 years later I still remind them.
Reply"When I was lad I got an empty box for Christmas. Me dad said it was Action Man/GI Joe deserter"
I would say getting Budweiser brand barbecue sauce is a pretty bad gift for a kid.
Replyxbox 359 cracked me up!
ReplyI would LOVE a day at epcot with Mario Cantone.
ReplyI'd be really happy if I got graph paper for Christmas, lol.
Reply"Female condom, without instructions"
ReplyThis was possibly the best, until "Photosynthesis".
The last one is just depressing, and I refuse to believe that Pittsburgh-opoly would be uninteresting.
WE REALLY AREN'T THAT BAD OKAY. We just want to be loved.
"Cleveland Subway System Train Set"
Replyaka nothing, since Cleveland doesn't have a subway system. Hopefully that's part of the joke.
Why would anyone not be happy with a J. Crew certificate? That shit's nice and expensive :P
ReplyWhat if it's a $10 gift certificate? You know, something that will cost you $100 to even use.
dont forget a video of the party your dad was at instead of your soccer game
ReplyI have actually received a box of the cellphone I kind of wanted, strategically wrapped in a cheap see-through paper (just to add to the high expectations), however, when I opened the box, it was filled with all kinds of batteries and a small little post-it saying that some of them might work (none of them worked btw). This was the (only) gift my father gave me for Christmas 1998. Happy Days!
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