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Gifts That Might Indicate Your Parents Hate You
It' the question on every child' mind this time of year: Do my parents really hate me, or are they just saying that? Luckily, Christmas provides ample clues as to the feelings your parents secretly harbor. If you received any of the following gifts, you better run away before your father gets drunk again: Xbox 359 Defective Tivo that only records Suddenly Susan reruns That kitten you asked for six years ago-- in its current, partially decomposed state A live hand grenade Blood Work-not the Clint Eastwood thriller, but a full battery of medical tests that require the withdrawal of blood A hard-learned lesson in the value of a dollar Subscription to Metro, the free subway paper  "Nurse Me Through Heroin Withdrawal" Elmo Sweater from the GAP that went out of style back when "Tickle Me Elmo" jokes were still funny New York Times best seller, Your Parents are Just Not That Into You A sensible pair of slacks Cleveland Subway System Train Set Chiggers Internship at Canoe Livery Legend, the Bob Marley album that you've had since the seventh grade Graph paper MACE body spray Sex tape of your conception w/ director commentary from your creepy Uncle Sal Gift certificate to J. Crew Sex and the City DVD and Sex-Pun Translator Pittsburgh-opoly Shoney's gift basket Female condom, without instructions  Adopted mile of highway named after your father's nickname for you Day at Epcot with Mario Cantone Brief alcohol-induced fit of affection Thalidomide 60 GB Video iPod box filled with coal-- fake coal. Girls Gone Talkative and Emotional video Restraining order Photosynthesis Exacto knife, medical guide, puppy with brain tumor |
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