#4. eBay: Whatever it is...you can get it on eBay
File this slogan under "Words you don't want to hear from your doctor after looking at your mysterious rash." Although, based on this slogan's logic, you could also fill a prescription to cure the rash on eBay.
But wait: There's a "Prohibited and Restricted Items" link on eBay that says you can't sell prescription drugs, human parts, used cosmetics and teacher's edition textbooks, among other things. So, the good news is that you couldn't possibly have gotten your rash from used cosmetics or body parts purchased on eBay. The bad news, unfortunately, is that apparently the "whatever" in this slogan refers to the headache you'll get trying to figure out what you actually can and can't buy.
#3. H&R Block: You got people
This seems like an unsettlingly vague, grammatically incorrect statement to be coming from a company that's only provided service is supposed to be accuracy. How many people do we have? Where did we get them? Are we going to have to feed them? How are we ever going to get our taxes done on time when we have all these people to feed? Whoever these people are, we hope that they can help us prepare taxes more accurately than the people who were reported last year, no joke, to have screwed up H&R Block's own taxes.
#2. Captain Morgan: Drink responsibly - Captain's orders!
If you're taking orders from a cartoon pirate on a bottle of rum, you've probably already missed the boat to the land of responsible drinking, making this slogan rather moot (assuming you're sober enough to read it). This one is just just barely worse than the Captain's other slogan, "Got a little Captain in You?" a condition whose only symptom seems to be that you, at random moments, spontaneously lift your leg like you're preparing to piss on a fire hydrant. The "Captain in You" slogan also provides the service of inviting the sort of people who actually drink this beverage to drop the devastatingly charming pick-up line, "You don't?" (Putting Captain Morgan bottle near crotch) "Do you want some?"
#1. Cingular: Now the new AT&T
You know a company's slogan is pushing the limits of meaninglessness when, after hearing it, you're still not even sure what the name of the company is. Cingular? AT&T? The new AT&T? Either way, we question whether a cell phone company changing their name is going to make your cellular reception any clearer than this slogan. What we do know is that somebody thought it would be good idea to bring back fond memories of AT&T, the company that was broken up for being a monopoly, just in time for the "new" company to begin its monopoly as the exclusive carrier of the iPhone.