The problem with being the best is that people are always trying to jump on the bandwagon. As Lou Dobbs will sure tell you, both within and beyond our borders, there are those who desperately want the world to believe that they're as American as childhood obesity. And, despite their genetic and geographical handicap, some are pretty damned convincing. For the sake of protecting this great nation, and everything we hold dear, we present the top eight offenders.
At first glance, the star of TV' House might look like an average American. His accent is flawless, and he' got that whole "hopeless cynicism with a dash of smug superiority" attitude down, which is as American as a bald eagle flying out of an apple pie at a baseball game. But beneath that gruff, quintessentially American exterior, you'll find an English intellectual who was raised in Oxford and educated at Cambridge.
We can only assume he majored in "being a phony," because it seems like this guy' got everyone fooled. According to his IMDb page, the show' co-producer Bryan Singer said Laurie was exactly the sort of genuine American actor that the show needed. "See," Singer reportedly said after watching Laurie' audition, "This is what I want: an American guy." Well, they don't make American guys in England, Mr. Singer. All they make over there is tea, powdered wigs and mayonnaise salads—things a real American like Dr. House would no doubt hate. Then again, House basically hates everybody, so maybe that' not such a big deal.
This might sound a little excessive, but it' our firm belief that Jack Bauer is the only thing standing between us and certain death at the hands of terrorists. The guy who plays Jack Bauer, on the other hand, was born in London and is, according to his passport, Canadian. Or, as real Americans tend to call them, "not American enough."
Sutherland' grandfather, Tommy Douglas, founded Canada'
New Democratic Party, which is so liberal that it' actually to
the left of their Liberal Party. Sutherland's grandfather is
the guy who gave Canadians universal health care, while Sutherland'
most well-known character is the guy whose idea of health care is stitching
up his own wounds using the bootlaces and jawbone of the terrorist he
just killed. If you need proof of Sutherland' Canadian roots, you
can find his name on the Canadian Walk of Fame. (You know who else is
on the Canadian Walk of Fame? Motherfucking Nickelback. Let that sink
in and then try to watch an entire episode of 24 without weeping.)
What would Jack Bauer think of the weak liberal Canadian actor who plays him? Whatever it is, it would probably be whispered through clenched teeth and involve a complaint about running out of time while running around with a gun drawn.