How to Speak to Brazilian Women
LESSON 34: Introducing YourselfAllo! Que é seu nome?
Hello. What's your name?
Que nome mau. Nós devemos começar bébedos e retirar nossa roupa. Eu tenho um dólar brilhante que diga que meu bing-bing-bing caberá em seu pam-pam-pam.
What a stupid name. We should get drunk and take our clothes off. I have a shiny dollar that says my bing-bing will fit in your pam-pam.
Seus buttocks são enormes. Eu penso que olharia mesmo mais gordo com doze polegadas de meu penis nele.
Your ass is enormous. I think it would look even fatter with 12 inches of my dick in it.
Eu poderia dizé-lo que era Portugese pelo comprimento do cabelo em seus peitos. vocé gosta de foder agora? Eu tenho um dólar e dezenove centavos.
I could tell you were Portugese by the length of the hair on your breasts. Would you like to fuck now? I have a dollar and 19 cents.
LESSON 67: Meeting Her Family
Sua família pareceu muito agradável. Deixe-nos nunca falar-lhes outra vez a.
Your family seemed very nice. Let us never speak to them again.
Obrigado convidando me para o jantar. Eu tenho o intercourse anal com sua filha, mesmo que não queira a. Eu espero que vocé não me espere comer este. Isto olha como algo que pí´de cair fora do burro da sua esposa.
Thank you for inviting me for dinner. I have anal intercourse with your daughter, even though she does not want to. I hope you do not expect me to eat this. This looks like something that might fall out of your wife's ass.
Que hovel interessante que era. Pareceu ser feito inteiramente da lama e do dung endurecidos. Deve liberating não ter que preocupar-se sobre sua casa que queima-se para baixo.
What an interesting hovel that was. It appeared to be made entirely of hardened mud and dung. It must be liberating not having to worry about your house burning down.
*ahem* as the umpteenth brazilian who happened to stumble upon this article, i'd just like to add my own two brazil-money cents on the subject: i am, indeed, offended by the fact that many good joke opportunities were missed; i'm sure our beloved homeland has produced far more entertaining and exploitable stereotypes that would serve as basis for a better humorous endeavor.
ReplyAll girls from USA are dirty whores who take it in the ass for 1 dollar. This includes your mother and sisters.
Reply^not offensive at all?
Silly seppos
And jay Pinkerton your ugly ass has never made got a hot girl even when you tried to pay, and your dick is 4 inches comon be honest dude
I'm brazilian and that would probably work. American guy, dollar bills... find the right place and bitches will swarm you. And they'll find your horrible portuguese so charming. LOL!!
ReplyI'm brazillian. I'm not effended (I love to make fun with USA and Japan too, and I love these two countries), but....... the bad portuguese on the article is hilarious. What a piece of s**t of article. ROFL
ReplyLove it when people laught at articles that poke fun at Japan's tentacle promiscuity problem, Australia's Star-Wars'esque wild-life and the british with poor dental care, but get "offended" when the same articles poke fun at their home country.
ReplyHonestly though i have to say that i didn't get the jokes on this one, but that's my own fault since i was born and currently live in that country lol. I'm also sure that japanese men don't get what's so funny about their tastes in sea-food pornography xD
PS: Why are people suddenly posting comments to an article that is 7 years old?
i love Brazilian women but dam i wouldnt speak to one like that lol
ReplyI'm Brazilian, and i'm offended by your s****y google translator portuguese, don't talk s**t about my f*****g country, at least we're not a friggin' MONOLINGUISTIC country like you s****y "americans", f**k you, motherfucker.
Replyyay Google translations (not)
ReplyNot the best way to talk to woman
ReplyQuem foi o analfabeto em português que traduziu esse texto ofensivo?
ReplyJay Pinkerton é um fudido! Vem visitar o Brasil e depois fica falando merda! f**k You - Vai se fuder, son of a bitch!
i'm portuguese and i disagree with that hairy-nipple thing. plus, you oviously used google translate... a lousy version. How would it feel like if i invented a post in actual portuguese (european portuguese) telling people how to pick up angle chick's line in a very dirty fashion? uh?
Replywell, then let's see if it works the other way around then. I think who wrote this is american, so let's have some fun!
Reply_ Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
_ How many American tourists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on "how funny-looking" local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don't come out.
_ you know why american cars need so much oil to run?
Too much weight to carry.
_ So, there was this very exotic restaurant in Brazil where they served human's brains for the costumers, so, a brazilian checking the menu:
crazy people brain ................ $10.00
high-school level brain ........... $50.00
some college brain ................ $100.00
complete college .................. $300.00
doctorate brain ................... $1,000.00
... and so on, untill he saw at the end of the list:
Americans brain ................... $100,000.00
amazed and curious, asked why americans brain were so much more expensive than the others, so the waiter:
_ You have any idea how many americans we have to kill to make a single meal...???
_ Why americans hate the middle-east so badly?
Because they have a very hard time finding them on the world map to attack.
there, I think I covered some american stereotypes there, hope you like it. As to you all who find this article about Brazil funny, I hope the next time you come to my country to do sexual tourism, (as clearly someone this writer know have done) I really hope you get shot for the cocaine you didn't paid because you were robbed or whatever. This s**t is not funny because we have dignity and dislike sexual tourism inside our country. assholes.
You're name is mr houston. You're from Texas. Or retarded. Or both. Probably both.
Get a funny bone kid, jokes are jokes
As an American your post was quite funny. But yeah this article pretty much just took one a couple stereotypes wrote them down and google translated. I like racist jokes but yeah this was pretty dumb.
Did all the Brazilians from Cracked just type in "brazil" in the search engine and this is what came up? Seriously, how many f*****g people are from Brazil?
ReplyWell.. i was starting to feel guilty at the amount of fun i was having at the expense of other countries in similar articles so.. that's exactly what i did, to see if i could ease up the load on my conscience.
Left confused, lol.
Tá tudo errado,sou brasileiro
ReplyEverthing is wrong,i'm brazillian,and that's racist
man, you took that from google translator?
Replyoh, nevermind, somebody ahs already said exactly that.
ReplyThis is just offensive. It has nothing to do with sense of humour, it's like writing an article about how funny it is that so many jews got screwed during the holocaust and telling them to laugh at it.
ReplyAh, yes, the so-called "Brazilian Holocaust", during which millions of prostitutes died of anal rupture. It's really in poor taste to reference such a terrible time in history for the purpose of humor.
Actually, you know what's REALLY offensive? You comparing yourself to the victims of the Holocaust because someone made a joke you don't like.
Really? was that supposed to be funny? i'm brazilian and i really don't care about brazilian jokes as long as they're funny. But that was just offensive! It's like sayin' to a jew: "yeah, you guys are greedy and totally deserved the holocaust hahaha" c'mon man...how is funny google-translate cheap lines about how all brazilian woman are whores? that actually looks like some really weak trolling. Again: i'm not angry because the article makes jokes about bazil but because it makes really lame jokes about brazil, that even if i wheren't a brazilian i'd hate it.
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesPS: my english may be a little rusty, but you can only speak english so stfu.
That was funny.
Shagrabath,
I'm glad you agree that Brazilian women are easy.
As well as German
And hot
I'm Brasilian, and hell I thought it was funny
This is incredibly wrong.
ReplyDon't try to speak portuguese if you don't know how.
I don't think anyone would take this as a serious guide on how to talk to women in Portuguese. Your pride in actually knowing Portuguese is not lost on me, however. Congratulations, pretentious dick.
I know a Brazilian girl. I'm going to put these on flashcards and say I looked on the internet Portugese lessons. This is gonna be awsome!
@ Sandro, Thats the whole point, not one thing here can be used when speaking to Brazilian women, not funny still but intentional.
ReplyBesides Brazilians are upgrading their military and exerting their influence over South and Central America, going as far as to reduce U.S. influence.
Now obviously, if these events continue the only possible outcome is a major war between Brazil and the U.S.
So to make sure such a glorious future occurs, Brazil needs to hate Americans even more then now and Americans need to learn to spell Brazil, realize that there is actually a second significant power in the Americas, that Brazil is it and that there can only be one.
Then we get to watch what a war is like when both powers are completely stoned on confiscated cocaine.