It pains us to say this, but the Pierce Brosnan James Bond films have not aged well whatsoever. As charming as Brosnan's 007 was, all of his Bond flicks have that "weird 1990s post-Die Hard, pre-CGI action flick thing where the entire film looks like a Hallmark Channel original movie" going on. And let's not pretend that GoldenEye was some hard-nosed espionage flick. Remember, killer Kegels were central to GoldenEye's narrative.
But of all the Bonds, Brosnan had the finest O-face. Or should we say "double-O-face"? Sorry, when in Rome.
And if we were to rank the Pierce Brosnan Bond adventures from worst to best, it would go something like this: The World Is Not Enough, Tomorrow Never Dies, Die Another Day, GoldenEye and GoldenEye, specifically Power Weapons at the Facility, no Oddjob allowed.
And no "Slappers Only." That shit took hours, even on "License to Kill."
At this point, some of you may be wondering why we ranked 2002's Die Another Day so high. The truth is, it's not half-bad if you go in with the right mindset.
In case you don't remember, Die Another Day was that James Bond film with virtual reality, invisible cars, James Bond surfing, a North Korean villain who transformed into a white guy because of DNA gobbledygook, another North Korean dude with diamonds embedded in his face, sunshine lasers and James Bond fencing with Madonna while making erection jokes.
"Something something thrust something something French grip something something penis."
The only thing this clusterfuck lacked was James Bond wearing a No Fear T-shirt at an XFL game while listening to Papa Roach on his MiniDisc player. Yes, Die Another Day was so aggressively cornball that for its follow-up, 2006's Casino Royale, the filmmakers dialed back the special effects, nixed the double entendres and replaced Brosnan with Daniel Craig, an actor so unsmiling, he probably grew up in a vinegar factory.
"Anything for queen and country. No questions asked."