Everything across the board is in jeopardy, from an Air Force football game to an Army tennis tournament to the Navy's presumably off-the-chain water polo team, which is scheduled for a event this very month unless Congress continues to deny these death otters a chance to do whatever the fuck happens in water polo.
Senators Are Going to Start Looking Shaggy
Deep in the guts of the Russell Senate Office Building is the barbershop known as the Senate Hair Care Services. While the cuts, perms, manicures, wax jobs, and Brazilian blowouts aren't free to senators, the facility itself is subsidized by taxpayers, which means it has closed shop during the shutdown.
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"I wish I'd have thought about how this would affect my mankini waxings ... things are getting a little dicey down there."
We're hoping the lack of easy haircut access will manifest itself in the form of senators attempting the 2009 Justin Bieber shag. After all this shutdown bullshit, we at least deserve a few pictures of senators bumping into walls thanks to bang-induced blindness.