5 Toy Recalls That Everyone Should Have Seen Coming

5

Super Bang Blast Balls

This is an article about toys that everybody should have known were going to be recalled well before they were ever actually recalled. Super Bang Blast Balls were a set of balls that basically exploded when you banged them together. It's as if these things were invented just so they could one day be featured in this article.

And the best part? Banging them together is what you were supposed to do. The main selling point was that they worked like caps. Caps as in the kind you put in a toy gun to make that "BANG" noise. Except now, you don't have to deal with the discomfort and inconvenience of having all that plastic between your hand and the resulting explosion.

4

Lucky Star Submarine Stationery Set

If a book of rules for making products that appeal to children exists, it's a pretty safe bet that "Don't include a detachable razor blade in the design" is nowhere in that book. Why, you ask? Because nobody could possibly be so stupid that they would need to be told that.

But the makers of the Lucky Star Submarine Stationery Set totally needed to be told that. But they weren't, so their stationery kit included a razor blade.

The lesson here? Never underestimate the stupidity of the people you're talking to.

3

Disney Princess Plastic Racing Trike

The Disney Princess Plastic Racing Trike puts an entire Disney princess' kingdom right at your child's fingertips. It then puts that kingdom on the dashboard of a big wheel tricycle mere inches from your child's face.

One abrupt stop. That's all it would take. Just one abrupt stop, and your child now has the entirety of the Disney universe implanted in her skull. How does not one single person see this happening during the development stage? Do the people making kids' toys even have kids of their own?

2

Target Home Bunny Sippy Cup

"Oh, how cute! That sippy cup has soft little bunny ears on top of it!"

Except those ears aren't soft. Those ears are made of plastic. Hard plastic. And hey, speaking of being impaled in the face by something adorable, if you're a child enjoying a drink from this cup, that sharp plastic sits at the optimum level for ensuring that each cup of milk ends like a scene from Hostel.

1

Buckyballs Magnetic Toys

According to our unscientific (as in "zero") research, the most common cause of product recalls among children's toys is small parts that careless (as in "stupid") children might swallow.

Buckyballs are made entirely of small parts (in this case, magnets) and do next to nothing, which means only the very youngest (as in "most likely to put stuff in their mouth") will even give this thing a second thought. After that, it's an express train to a belly full of magnets. And that's bad news because, as the Insane Clown Posse so eloquently pointed out, we don't even know how those things work yet.