Let's face it, animals -- if you aren't a shark, bear, wolf, lion, alligator, crocodile, anaconda, cougar, tiger, Komodo dragon, barracuda, cobra, tarantula, tsetse fly, tapeworm, leech, or Portuguese man o' war, chances are us humans will let down our guard and yap at you in silly voices like Doctor Goddamn Dolittle.
But let us not forget -- "wildlife" is called "wildlife" because it's wild, brah. So with that in mind, here are five recent reminders that most, if not all, multicellular organisms would be happier if all humans were dead so they could lick the minerals from our sun-bleached bones.
5 Peacock Is Too Powerful for Taser
Peacocks are beautiful animals, even if they are competing with the great tit for the naughtiest avian name out there. But a Houston man saw a dark side of the bird when his pet 'cock Meanie grew increasingly hostile toward human women.
"Hey, toots, how about we smush our cloacae together? Yeah, I've been drinking since noon. What's it to you?"