If you've ever tried to carve a jack-o'-lantern, only to have the end result look like Swamp Thing's asshole, keep your chin up! It could be worse. You could be Cracked writer Chris Rio, whom we asked to gouge the faces of increasingly E-list celebrities into pumpkins using increasingly shitty stencils printed off the Internet for the express purpose of squash mirth.
(DISCLAIMER: None of these pumpkins were digitally altered, nor is Chris a world-renowned gourd artist.)
I started my adventure by choosing a modest 20-pounder from my local pumpkin store, one with a significantly flatter side to make it a bit easier. I laid it out on my trash-bag table and eyed it as Michelangelo did the marble that would become David, in that I suddenly had the urge to cut a tiny dick out of it.