Since I forgot to buy an actual pumpkin-carving kit, I improvised with some nearby kitchen tools, and also a wine corker, because there was no way this was happening without drinking.
Look, dad, it was dental school or this.
As I cut the lid, I thought to myself, "Pumpkin insides didn't look like this when I was 8." It resembled the scene from Aliens where they discover the Xenomorph cocoon. I'm now convinced that, in the intervening years since my childhood, thanks to Monsanto, pumpkins have become taxonomically classified as animals.
"Shit, I think I gave him a vasectomy."