4 Respected Celebrities Who Are Slowly Losing Their Minds

Will: I'm a student of patterns. At heart, I'm a physicist. I look at everything in my life as trying to find the single equation, the theory of everything.

He proceeds to give two examples of irrefutable patterns in the universe -- the sun rising and setting every day (which is a result of the Earth's orbit, and is every bit as much a "pattern" as the distance between your house and the bus stop remaining the same every time you walk it), and the way people win Academy Awards. Incidentally, Will Smith stumps himself on that second pattern as he is describing it:

Will: The patterns are all over the place, but for whatever reason, it's really difficult to find the patterns in Best Actress.

Sean Gallup / Getty
When you're a celebrity, words mean whatever you want them to mean.

Luckily, he passed his pattern-spotting power on to Jaden. Otherwise, not another living soul in this world would have any idea what the hell he was talking about:

Jaden: I think that there is that special equation for everything, but I don't think our mathematics have evolved enough for us to even- I think there's, like, a whole new mathematics that we'd have to learn to get that equation.

Will: I agree with that.

Jaden: It's beyond mathematical. It's, like, multidimensional mathematical, if you can sort of understand what I'm saying.

Ray Tamarra / Getty
"Never take mathematics advice from someone wearing a white suit." -Steven Hawking

Douglas' publicist initially denied the remarks, but the Guardian went ahead and released the audio tape of the interview, in which you can clearly hear the actor unleashing his pseudo-scientific lunacy. This is a circuitous way of saying that, one way or another, Catherine Zeta-Jones has herpes.

She and her brother are being sued by a former employee for making several racist comments, in addition to various instances of sexual harassment and borderline physical assault (those last two complaints are entirely aimed at Deen's brother). For example, in 2007, Deen allegedly described her catering plans for her brother's wedding as follows:

"Well what I would really like is a bunch of little n_____s to wear long-sleeve white shirts, black shorts, and black bow ties, you know in the Shirley Temple days, they used to tap dance around ... Now that would be a true Southern wedding, wouldn't it? But we can't do that because the media would be on me about that."

Pictured: The inside of Paula Deen's mind.

In a recent deposition, Deen did admit to putting on what was referred to as a "Southern plantation wedding," claiming that her inspiration came from a visit to a Southern restaurant where all the waiters were middle-aged black men wearing white jackets and bow ties. In her words, she said she would "love to have servers like that" but was afraid that "somebody would misinterpret" it and mistake her for some crazy old woman recreating slavery for her own amusement.

She seemed to legitimately have no idea why anyone could see that as offensive -- and it's her wide-eyed confusion about the whole thing that makes it so much weirder. Mainly because it suggests that there are so many other people still out there who share the same view that she has never met anyone outside the group. That ... that can't be true, can it?