4 Amazing Examples of Rock Stars Owning Obnoxious Fans

The Stones were playing the Hampton Coliseum in 1981 when a fan jumped onstage and started running toward vocalist Mick Jagger.

"No one kills him but me!"

With Jagger busy using his hips to give Maroon 5 something to sing about 30 years later, Keith Richards took control of the situation by casually bashing the guy with his Telecaster, only to resume playing moments later.

He painted that sucker's eyes black. And blue. And also probably red.

Richards' beatdown is justified if you put this performance into context: It happened almost exactly a year after the fatal shooting of John Lennon by a crazed fan. And as a touching footnote, a mummified Richards later claimed to have bailed the fan out of jail after the show.

Those frightened by Keenan's actions have their worries put to rest as Keenan reassuringly pats the fan on the back after a solid minute of public dry humps.

Rose takes flight like a giant drunken bird of prey, leaping off the stage and straight into the audience.

He proceeds to tussle with some of his adoring fans and manages to land a few sucker punches before storming off the stage and presumably setting the world record for most riots incited by a single man.

Getting hit in the face with a hot dog is a special kind of humiliation. So when it happened to the already criminally inclined R&B singer or rapper or whatever Akon ...

... it should have come as no surprise that he instantly sought revenge. What should be surprising is that the dipshit who threw the food willingly took the stage to receive his punishment.

"Nothing ill can come of this."

And that punishment was swift and fantastic.

This occasion marked the first time anyone in the Cracked office ever uttered the phrase, "Man, it would've been great to be at that Akon concert."