XJ Selman
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You know those scenes in movies when a car just lightly bumps into something and instantly bursts into flames? (Of course you do, they're the reason cinema was invented.) This sort of unassuming carnage never happens in real life ... and by "never" we mean "several times in the past few months alone, somehow." Here are four people whose lives suddenly turned into a stunt from a ridiculous Die Hard sequel.
Cow farts are serious business. These delicate grass munchers are believed to emit up to 500 liters of methane gas every single day. But, besides making entire meadows smell like college dorm rooms on taco night, what can that do? Plenty, it turns out: In January, a cow shed in the German town of Rasdorf filled with so much methane gas from all of the burping and farting cows that, when a static electric charge came in contact with the noxious fumes of the bodacious bovines, the place exploded into giant flashes of smelly flames.
Karl-Heinz Burkhardt
"Sweet, I can let 'em rip and no one will notice." -every single person in this picture
The cow shed held 90 dairy cows when the butt-triggered explosion occurred, literally setting the roof on fire. Fortunately, only one of the cows was injured, and since this means that cow was closer than the others to the center of the explosion, we can safely assume that she was the one who "dealt it."
In February, Dean Bright of Tulsa, Oklahoma, got an unusual call from a neighbor who -- presumably after exchanging pleasantries and asking about each family member individually -- informed him that his backyard was on fire. Bright took a peek and, sure enough, the entire thing had burned to a scorching crisp in less than 30 seconds. The fire had also spread to two other homes, eating up an outdoor shed like 90 cows had just farted inside of it. So what caused this calamity? Here's the culprit:
newson6.com
"I will spare the life of any man who releases me."
Two neighborhood kids were flying their kites when one of them hit an electrical line, which in turn brought sparks down onto the grass, which lit the grass, which nearly burned down three different houses. All because of a flimsy piece of paper attached to a string. Thankfully, the fire was put out before the houses were seriously damaged, but let this serve as a lesson to kids everywhere: Stay inside playing Xbox all day or you will kill someone.
In Goldthorpe, England, in January, a young couple got rid of their cute 6-month old puppy, Zeus, by putting it up for sale. What did the adorable little rascal do? Oh, nothing: It just chewed through an unopened Christmas present ... causing a massive explosion in the living room that cost the owners $3,300 worth of damages.
thestar.co.uk
"But we're selling him for only $3,250."
The present, it turns out, contained a can of deodorant, which the innocent young pet punctured and then left next to a gas fireplace. When the central heating came on, the gas coming out of the can was ignited and the place went kaboom. We're not sure if we should be relieved that Zeus and the other pets escaped unscathed from the blast or terrified because they clearly planned the whole thing. If there's a lesson here besides "BEWARE PETS," we guess it's "Don't bathe so infrequently that people will give you deodorant for Christmas."
One afternoon last week, a 73-year-old retired man from Mallorca, Spain, decided to take out his trash. As soon as the trash bag met with the bottom of the container, though, everything went to hell -- the top of the container flew three stories in the air, all the windows in the surrounding buildings shattered, and three people in addition to the old man were hurt by the explosion. What the hell was in that bag?
Vasil Vasilev
"God, no ... someone call Mrs. The Grouch."
The answer: old firework materials, which crashed against the bottom of the trash container, had a volatile chemical reaction with the metal, and proceeded to do what fireworks do best (startle the shit out of everyone). Thankfully, the man -- a former "fireworks specialist" who was already responsible for a previous explosion -- didn't try flushing his old gear down the toilet instead.
The third part of XJ's epic science-fiction novel is out now on Amazon. The first $0.99 novella can be found here, with Part 2 out here. Or leave a review and get a free copy! Poke him on Twitter and follow him on Facebook.
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