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Soren Bowie

Soren is an American of some importance. He has amassed great wealth which is now in jeopardy. He is in need of persons with whom his family has no relationship. He seeks your cooperation and assistance in the transfer of 8,000,000.00 to your private bank account in Nigeria. To show his appreciation he will offer you 15% of the total sum including 20% of interest earned. Please treat this issue confidentially. Please send him your bank account number as well as a color photocopy of a Nigerian passport so he is certain you are a real resident. He waits to hear from you.

5 Tips for Writing the Perfect Eulogy (For Someone You Hate)

Every once in awhile, a third party will mistake your life-long rivalry/mutual hatred for a competitive friendship and ask you to speak at a funeral for one of your enemies. A funeral you only planned on attending to see your adversary locked helplessly in a box and buried.

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5 YouTube Music Videos That Suck the Fun Out of Sex

YouTube is filled with music videos from nobodies who still sing about sex as though it's something they have to tolerate. They sing about sex because they think they have to, but they are mean to it, they are dismissive of it and they do their best to just suck the magic out of it for anyone watching.

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11 Impressive Valentines for People in Made Up Relationships

Love, like a poltergeist, is invisible to the naked eye and can only be witnessed by the force it bears on objects. To really understand it, you need to feel it, to be possessed by it or, at the very least, to see the way it can tear up a living room when it goes wrong. And like a poltergeist, sometimes love is actually just a big ruse designed by

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5 Awful Things Nobody Tells You About Being an Actor

So community theater directors have told you your entire life that you are gifted, that you are born to make emotions with your face under camera and stage lights, a face that was too optimistic or too young to devastate with brutal honesty. Well I can't see your faces, and I have some bad news. Here are five good reasons your career path will ma

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Dear 'Tiger Beat' Magazine: Make Me a 6th Grade Heartthrob

Regardless of how preposterous they may seem, no child should ever give up on his/her dreams because they have the potential to change the future. I for instance, wanted desperately at eleven years old to be adored by sixth grade girls around the world, and I'm proud to say that's a goal I still hold to this day.

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The First High School Movie for Rich Bullies

I have waited a long time for this moment. Throughout my life, I've watched what amounts to miles of film about the trials and tribulations of high school life. From The Karate Kid to Spider Man, I've had to sit through decades of movie theater darkness, biting my tongue as the more relatable and, frankly, superior character in every story is immed

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The 4 Most Unexpected Fan Bases in Pop Culture

We can't begin to understand how a niche form of entertainment could be appropriated by such an unrelated audience. Our gut reaction is almost always to say, 'This is a sex thing, isn't it.' But with a few exceptions, the answers are never that simple.

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4 Tips for Fixing Up Your New Home (That's Clearly Haunted)

First off, congratulations on becoming a homeowner! Deciding to buy a house is one of the most important decisions you will ever make and it should feel good knowing that those four walls belong to you now, regardless of what shape they're in and on which Indian burial ground they might be standing.

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Pitching Movies to Katherine Heigl: Harder Than It Looks

Without question, Katherine Heigl is the most inspired, revolutionary and brilliant leading actress in any film ever created about a morning show producer who is bad at love until she kisses Gerard Butler in a hot air balloon. I'm willing to fight anyone who says otherwise. She is more than a shimmering superstar, Katherine Heigl is a bright and co

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25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Some parents have been putting notes in kids' lunchboxes for decades, presumably to remind the other children in the cafeteria what real love looks like, or to teach their own child the fundamentals of taking a punch. And now Pottery Barn and others are cashing in, manufacturing pre-written letters for parents on the go. Here are some suggestions .

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