The First High School Movie for Rich Bullies
I have waited a long time for this moment. Throughout my life, I've watched what amounts to miles of film about the trials and tribulations of high school life. From The Karate Kid to Spider Man, I've had to sit through decades of movie theater darkness, biting my tongue as the more relatable and, frankly, superior character in every story is immediately stereotyped as "The Bully." Instead, Hollywood wants to linger on the awkward nobodies, those stumbling meek hoping just to get a girlfriend or a shred of popularity when the clearest choice for a hero is obviously the guy who already has all those things, along with a convertible and pushed-up sleeves.
Where is his redemption story?I have patiently tolerated this prejudice my entire life, but not anymore. Studios have finally looked out across the cultural landscape and said, "Hold on. Who's making movies for the rich kids? Who is making films about the tribulations of the flawless elite?" The answer, of course, was nobody.Now, this may be the first you've heard of the newly released smash hit,
A Warrior's Heart revolves around two private-schooled, white-toothed teens named Conor and Brooklyn as they fall in love over completely surmountable odds. Together, they build a steamy and muscular love triangle between each other and their shared passion for lacrosse. Everything is plaid skirts and money until, look out! Conor's father dies while being a hero in Iraq. Unable to deal with his emotions, Conor acts out by breaking a trophy case and then has to go to a wilderness camp as punishment where he plays wilderness lacrosse with wilderness Indians. Through his time in camp he learns that the exorbitantly wealthy and Native Americans are not so different after all, they are both, for instance, minorities with little-to-no body hair. The story is bold and unapologetic in its exploration of the American teen, acknowledging that every boy has to learn to quell his rage while slowly and painfully learning what it means to be a man, and that every girl really likes boys who play sports. If that somehow hasn't sold you, here is a press release about the movie "pulsating" through theaters. And here is the trailer:
The SymbolismI think some context is in order. After watching that trailer, you may have mistaken this movie for something you'd rather not see. In fact, you may have mistaken it for the worst hunk of cloying twaddle at which anyone ever bothered pointing a camera. That's understandable. Your close-minded bigotry toward the genetically and socially advantaged is a product of our culture. You have been taught to judge with your heart instead of your eyes because ugly people have tricked you into thinking it will build character. But I ask you honestly: Who needs character when you have muscles and an allowance? The first lines of dialogue in the trailer are:
"It's funny what you notice the first time you see someone. Confidence. A nice smile. What's impossible to know at first glance is everything else."This may sound like the opening to a horror movie in which the cute new guy at school turns out to be a sociopath.
We know how this is supposed to go.But that's only because you have been conditioned to expect any handsome high schooler who starts a movie flawless to end up being the antagonist by the end. Not Conor. When he is introduced, he is already perfect and then he spends the next 90 minutes getting perfecter.
"I probably have asthma."He's shorter, skinnier and inferior in every way except hair length. Conor even emasculates him, by threatening to take his position on the team
"Here I am."
"Me again. LOL."
"Excuse me. Nameless device, passing through."Conor isn't the weak kid with a good personality and he isn't the classic meathead either. He is somewhere in between and the trailer for
"You clearly need this more than we do. Sincerely, all of the Native Americans."I haven't seen the full movie yet so I don't know how it ends. But presumably they all have a good laugh about their shared experiences and then they win the big game. The kids graduate, Conor gets a full-ride to play lacrosse at Duke and the Native American soldier waves goodbye to him before morphing into an eagle and pecking out the eyes of the Iraqi terrorists who killed his friend, all as the Star Spangled Banner swells underneath. Cut to black. Credits. I love this fucking movie.
You can follow Soren on Twitter. Or just follow his pursuit to win your heart on Tumblr.
For more from Soren, check out The 6 Most Baffling Search Queries About Relationships and 5 Mediocre Movies Made Awesome by Real Events.