Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist and your favorite comedy writer. He first rose to prominence in 1984 when he was pulled on stage to dance during a Bruce Springsteen music video. He has since done many other things.
I'm currently in last place in this year's pool, and with 0 teams remaining in the final 4, the mathematical odds of me winning are... not actually there. So is my situation hopeless? Over the span of my lifetime, yes, but in this specific instance, no. It just means that I can't use math to win. Which is fine, because winners don't use math.
You may have heard about this group of concerned citizens in Detroit, who, noting that the city lacks a statue of Robocop, are lobbying furiously to build a statue of Robocop. These efforts have resulted in an earnest dialog developing in the city, as newspapers and opinion makers argue the point, 'What are you people, some kind of fucking idiots?'
Lately, many of these kind-of-hypothetical emails have asked about the effectiveness of toning shoes, like the Sketcher Shape-Ups. These products claim to enhance the tone and musculature of the wearer's ass and legs, and many of our readers, desiring ass and leg-play, wish to enhance their own features to better secure it.
Last week, the interent cheered as a reporter's brain went completely haywire live on television. I look into this strange phenomenon using good old fashioned investigative journalism.
If you've been following the news or if you're one of those unfortunate people who have to work with computers for a living, you'll probably have heard by now that the Internet is running out of space. But not, as you might expect, due to petabytes of pornographic images of fatties. No, it's actually running out of IP addresses ...
A few weeks ago Google unveiled a prototype of a new Chrome based netbook to the world. Truly a computer for the Internet age, several interesting design choices were made with this netbook, including the decision to remove the Caps Lock key.
I am sorry about December 9th, when I used my power as Line Elf to manipulate the length of the line. I'd like to say I intended to make Santa look more popular than he was by keeping the line long, but really I think I was just trying to get single women to flirt their way to the head of the line.
Unlike a lot of you, I'm not going to partake in any new year's resolutions, the traditional way to improve one's life at the start of a calendar year. Resolutions are easy to make, hard to keep, and each abandoned resolution forms the bass kick in the failure drumbeat of your life.
With the skies growing more crowded every year, and the airlines losing their sense of shame every day, flight delays have gone from being a rare event to a reliable nuisance for anyone who chooses to travel by air.
We present to you the lighter side of being forcibly unemployed. We hope these will help you get on with your life, or at least stop crying in your car.
I left the police station in a cold sweat, and hitchhiked out to the country, where I remain to this day, standing in the middle of an empty field, swinging a huge stick at anything that moves. I know what no man should: My Xbox has become self-aware.
Use a highlighter to color words in your books. This will make it feel like you're actually studying. Actually studying involves reading the words, which is also good, but much more time consuming, and frankly discriminatory against people who don't want to read.
