Writer and editor for niche website Cracked.com. I am definitely not a shaved bear. For more attempts at witticisms and my personal recipes for toilet wine, do follow me @cedricvoets.
Eight-Year-Old Girl Pulls Ancient Sword Out Of Lake The discovery of an ancient blade has social media clamoring for a return to Arthurian-based politics. Authors By Cedric Voets Published October 05, 2018
Meet Venom's New Nemesis: Lady Gaga The new Venom movie faces off against Marvel's most dangerous enemies: brigading tweens. Authors By Cedric Voets Published October 03, 2018
We're Getting A Kid-Friendly Deadpool Movie 'Deadpool 2' is getting recut into a PG-13 movie with a brand-new 30-year-old reference. Authors By Cedric Voets Published October 01, 2018
This Is The Coolest (And Creepiest) Basement We've Ever Seen If you're going to make beautiful Disney magic, maybe don't do it in dark hole in the ground. Authors By Cedric Voets Published September 28, 2018
America’s Worst Candy Is Saved By Its Second-Worst Candy Necco Wafers are teaming up with America's other least-favorite confectionery. Authors By Cedric Voets Published September 26, 2018
There's A Whole Video Game Hidden In Google Search Who knew that searching for adventure games would let you find an adventure game? Authors By Cedric Voets Published September 24, 2018
We've (Sort Of) Found Spock's Home Planet Astronomers have found a planet at the exact spot everyone's favorite emotionless space elves are from. Authors By Cedric Voets Published September 21, 2018
Coca-Cola Might Be Going (Back) Into The Drug Business The sugary beverage giant is considering putting some Mary Jane in their Coke. Authors By Cedric Voets Published September 19, 2018
'Fortnite' Is Topping The Charts In … Divorces? Being a homewrecker is turning out to be a consistent benchmark in determining an MMO's success. Authors By Cedric Voets Published September 17, 2018
It’s Ridiculously Easy To Steal A Tesla, Researchers Find Researchers have found a loophole into unlocking the Tesla Model S: its key. Authors By Cedric Voets Published September 14, 2018
John C. Reilly Has The Creepiest Art Collection In The World The versatile actor has the It-factor in more ways than one. Authors By Cedric Voets Published September 13, 2018
The New Spider-Man Game Has The Most Depressing Easter Egg Gamers have been making in-game proposals for years -- with very mixed results. Authors By Cedric Voets Published September 10, 2018
A French Town Is Being Terrorized By A Horny Dolphin It's like the plot of 'Jaws,' but really, really stupid. Authors By Cedric Voets Published August 29, 2018
Computers Can Now Make You The Greatest Dancer In The World Researchers may have found a way to Auto-Tune your body. Authors By Cedric Voets Published August 27, 2018
Behold, The Hottest App of 2018: Windows 95 Let's all take an excruciatingly slow trip down memory lane. Authors By Cedric Voets Published August 24, 2018
Verizon Cut A Fire Department's Data (During A Wildfire) It takes courage, passion, and the Unlimited Data Plus Package to save lives. Authors By Cedric Voets Published August 22, 2018
Kevin Spacey's New Movie Made 600 Bucks Opening Weekend Spacey's latest box office disaster can't even afford the nail it put in his career's coffin. Authors By Cedric Voets Published August 20, 2018
Science Has Finally Solved A Major Pasta Problem To physicists, the enigma that is spaghetti has been a splinter in their paw for generations. Authors By Cedric Voets Published August 17, 2018
San Francisco's Human Poop Crisis Has Reached New Levels A special task force is being assembled to keep the city from drowning in human feces. Authors By Cedric Voets Published August 16, 2018
Bad News! Crocs Aren't Going Out Of Business Fans panicked after the company announced its last manufacturing plants are closing, but unfortunately, Crocs will never die. Authors By Cedric Voets Published August 13, 2018
