What a year. Not that you remember most of it.
Seriously, tell us we're not overthinking these.
Private investigator is right up there with astronaut or professional cyborg as the job we all wanted to do as kids.
Reality is always so much more shameful.
You guys wanna go get hammered and gingerly take steps into adulthood tonight?
While you're busy trying to snap the perfect selfie, you're missing out on the cool little secrets lurking everywhere.
Mr. President, you're wrong.
Everybody makes mistakes. Just, you know, some are little and some are crimes against humanity.
If you get too creative in passing along your amazing lessons, you might end up looking like one of these idiots.
Time to destroy some wondrous mysteries of life!
Push past the nasty giblets that the day has to offer, and find the savory turkey meat to sink your teeth into.