We asked Cracked readers on Facebook, “Describe your worst date in two sentences and less.” Whew, thanks for sharing, but there were some real doozies. And, look, we didn't mean to make any social commentary, but, man, people who date men really had the worst experiences. Here are the top so-painful-they're-funny stories…

TELL US NOW. MAMA'S BOY, THE SITCOM Claire F. shares, His mom came with him and sat in the booth directly behind him. She texted him what he should say for the entire meal. CRACKED.COM

TELL US NOW. FROM BAD TO WORSE Kate W. says, It started off not great when I got to the restaurant first to find out an ex of mine was the waiter. It only got worse when he forgot what day our date was and stood me up. So much

TELL US NOW. STRAIGHT UP Jolene R. tells US, He threw up in his whiskey glass. At the table.

TELL US NOW. PRINCE CHARMLESS Gabrielle H. shares, He called me a liar because he didn't believe I had a flat tire even when still showed up only ten minutes late. He threatened to throw the pasta at the waitress' face if it didn't have enough alfredo sauce... buh

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TELL US NOW. PAY IT FORWARD Alyson S. shares, Lackluster first date that was just not going anywhere... 0 offered to pay my half of the bill and he refused. We talked for a couple more days and O declined a second date, stating I just didn't see it going

TELL US NOW. THIRD WHEELING James D. tells US, She invited me to her favorite bar, but didn't mention it was where she hung out with her ex, whom she still lived with and who didn't know she now considered him an ex. They got into a huge fight, I

TELL US NOW. A VALID EXCUSE Beth F. tells US, He kept checking his watch so 0 finally asked if he had somewhere to be. Turned out he was on the sex offender registry and had a curfew. CRACKED.COM

TELL US NOW. STOP AND GO Heather C. tells US about a date, He yelled 'Stop!' while I was driving down the road. I stopped right there in the road, thinking something was wrong, and he jumped out of the car and ran off.

TELL US NOW. AN ITALIAN PHARAOH Andrew B. shares, I showed up for Olive Garden. What I got was a pyramid scheme.

TELL US NOW. A ROMANTIC RIDE HOME Kelly H. tells US, He got pulled over for no tail lights. He went to jail (he had stolen the car) and I got to ride home in a police car.

TELL US NOW. PICTURE THIS Jessica.32 Samantha S. tells US about a date, He told me didn't look like my picture, though my picture was just me with shorter hair and no glasses. He told me, 'And that's not a compliment.' CRACKED.COM

TELL US NOW. CRITICALLY PANNED Abie W. shares, He decided I wanted to pay for US to watch The Phantom Menace in 3D. Then he asked when we were going to have sex. CRACKED.COM

TELL US NOW. A MANLY SCENT Kate F. shares, He smelled like the tooth dust in a dentist's office. He wasn't a dentist.

TELL US NOW. MOVING TOO FAST Laura M. shares, He asked if he and his 5 cats could move in with me on a first date. Then told me it would be good to have a woman to do his laundry again because he wears the same outfit for two

TELL US NOW. MARATHON LOSER Sam P. tells US, I run marathons competitively. He had only ever ran 3 miles in his life but said he 'was sure it would translate' into him running a faster marathon time than me.

TELL US NOW. FOREIGN IMPOSTER Joshua D. says, I met this girl at a bar while faking a British/Scottish accent, drunk of course. We meet at a Panera a week later and im no longer speaking in that accent, date was basically just awkward after learning I was not indeed

TELL US NOW. ALL ABOUT THE EYE CONTACT Jerri A. shares, He took me to lunch and instead of eating with me, he sat and stared at me while I was eating; for the entire 30 minutes. We talked a bit but it was mostly unblinking eye contact with me

TELL US NOW. GETTING AN EARFUL Jess L. shares, First (and only) date, he put his finger in my ear during the movie, then put on motocross racing gloves before geting in the car to drive me home. He asked me if I had ever 'Experienced God,' and his only

TELL US NOW. UNEXPECTED ENDING Ash B. shares, I didn't realise it was a date when she invited me out for a curry. I arrived in work gear, stoned, smelling like car-cleaning chemicals while she looked gorgeous. After eating, I fell asleep and she paid the bill. Fast forward, we've
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