So you let yourself down. That's OK, it happens to everyone, though probably not to the same degree or with the same consistency as it happens to you. But that's OK: I'm here to help.
Why can't we pay to, say, experience a real zombie apocalypse, or become a spy? Well, it turns out you can, so start saving up.
We found you these stories, because we'd hate for you to actually put in a productive day at the office.
Have you ever turned around and caught your cat staring at you like he was planning something illegal? Well, it turns out that he probably was.
It's safe to say that no product hits the market without months or years of testing first. Yet sometimes you hear about a product that fails in a way that almost seems like intentional sabotage and/or a cruel practical joke.
And one key difference.
Nothing makes a person feel more alive than narrowly escaping death, especially if it was due to a thrilling display of reflexes and quick thinking. But then you have the people who escaped their doom via pure accident, incompetence or irresponsibility.
To learn anything useful during an election year, you need to be able to sort through all of the garbage to find the actual information and insight. So let me just tell you right now that you can safely ignore any story if you follow these steps.
Comic books have mastered the art of finding new and creative ways of making sex bizarrely unappealing, even to people who read comic books.
Criminal masterminds do exist; there are bad guys who have gotten away with their deeds for decades without ever leaving enough evidence behind for the cops to make a case. Yet, when these guys eventually get caught, the reason is usually exactly as stupid as that time your neighborhood meth head got nailed for trying to steal a cop car with the co
If no one else in the office gets to drink, that means you get to be the Barry Bonds of the joint by harnessing all of alcohol's career improving benefits for yourself.
If life loves to beat one lesson into our heads over and over again, it's this: If something is too good to be true, it almost always is. Just ask these people.
For the handful of you who weren't following along live, we covered the 2012 NFL draft live last night. On the job from the Cracked war-room, we had Soren Bowie (our resident NFL expert and a die hard Broncos fan) as well as Cody Johnston (has a last name that sounds sort of like that of Magic and Michael Johnson, who are both athletes).
Why is it that Batman (1939) and Superman (1938) endured when all of the other comic book characters from that era were forgotten? Well, it's partly because they were absolutely insane. Behold the dark madness ...