I'm the Cracked Workshop video moderator and sortof-kindof a person. I write decent scripts and can totally be convinced to do so for you for money at BenDenny@Gmail.com.
We spoke to veteran exterminator Ben Denny, who told us that working as a poison-slinging vermin destroyer provides you with a unique perspective on the world.
Guess what? There's loot scattered all over the world, just begging for a charming gentleman thief and his plan that is so insane that it just ... might ... work.