Spider-Man Stops a Diabolical Plot to Get Teens to Have Unprotected Sex
In 1976, Planned Parenthood teamed with Marvel Comics to release a special Spider-Man comic to discourage teenagers from having unprotected sex. You might expect the story to involve your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man swooping in to talk to kids about their private parts (again), but the staff at Marvel decided that wouldn't be awkward enough. Instead, the comic introduced an evil alien called the Prodigy who has the power to make people believe anything he says. Naturally, he uses that power to convince teenage girls that they wouldn't get pregnant from having sex.
We literally cannot think of another use for this power.
But it gets much stupider. The reason why the Prodigy wants teenagers to get it on without protection is to create thousands of babies to take back to his home world of Intellectia for child labor, which will somehow aid them in conquering other planets.
Our puny minds can't comprehend the transcendent genius of a giant baby snatch.
So, let's get this straight -- rather than simply using his persuasive powers to convince able-bodied teenagers to return to his home planet as slaves, the Prodigy planned to wait for at least nine months until the babies were born, then abduct the infants and wait for them to develop the necessary fine motor skills to perform child labor, all the while having to deal with middle of the night feedings and diaper changes. Which, according to Spider-Man, might be the worst part.
It's not like the staffer who wrote this was bitter about where her life went or anything.