Cracked Archive - News
Inventor of Substitute Phones Is Too Optimistic About Humans
We don't love, cherish, and try to legally marry our phones because of our ability to fondle them.
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- November 27, 2017
'Inspirational' News Stories That Are Anything But
This is a news genre that normalizes tragedy, papering over economic flaws and pathetic gaps in social services by looking up 'inspiring' in the thesaurus.
- By Mark Hill
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- November 25, 2017
16 Amazing Things You Probably Didn't Know
Completely true facts to spice up your small talk game.
- By CRACKED Writing Staff, Andres Diplotti
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- November 25, 2017
Cracked's Holiday Gift Guide For Your Family And Loved Ones!
It's that time of year again!
- By CRACKED Staff, Katie Goldin
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- November 24, 2017
The 6 Most Important Things You Need To Know On Friday 11/24
We follow the news, so you don't have to.
- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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- November 24, 2017
Watch Your Back Mark Wahlberg: DARPA Is Making Spy Plants
There's a big, glaring weakness with this plant technology, if we are to use them in a wartime scenario ...
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- November 22, 2017
How Did This Suggestive Statue Get Past Quality Control?
What sculptor would look at this without even the slightest of niggling doubts?
- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- November 22, 2017
KFC's Escape Pod Is Definitely A Murder Cage, Right?
KFC needs to lay off the herbs and spices.
- By Tim Hawkman, Luis Prada
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- November 22, 2017
6 Times The News Went Totally Overboard Chasing A Story
It might sound impossible to anyone living in the year 2017, but once upon a time, there was a thing called a 'slow news day.'
- By Alex Hanton
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- November 22, 2017
Tourists Fined For Borat Costumes Don't Realize It's 2017
Sasha Baron Cohen paid the fines for these mankini-wearing miscreants.
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- November 21, 2017
You Can Buy Christmas MAGA Hats To Alienate Your Family
Do you want to alienate your friends and family, while taking a bold pro-Christmas stance that literally nobody opposes?
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- November 21, 2017
The Plaza Hotel Offers A Home Alone 2 Experience... Finally?
Good news, everyone! The Plaza Hotel in New York has heard your vehement, rabid, horny calls for a 'Home Alone 2'-inspired getaway.
- By Tim Hawkman, Ian Fortey
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- November 21, 2017
The 6 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/21/17)
We’ve got your dinner conversation covered.
- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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- November 21, 2017
Bus Interrupts Cameraman's Once In A Lifetime Shot
Let us have a moment of silence for the poor Weather Channel cameraman whose soul was crushed by this bus.
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- November 20, 2017
What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now (11/26/2017)
Jim Bakker would like you to buy his $60 bucket of pancake mix, which he claims can help protect you from damnation.
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- November 20, 2017
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