Cracked Archive - News

Inventor of Substitute Phones Is Too Optimistic About Humans

We don't love, cherish, and try to legally marry our phones because of our ability to fondle them.


'Inspirational' News Stories That Are Anything But

This is a news genre that normalizes tragedy, papering over economic flaws and pathetic gaps in social services by looking up 'inspiring' in the thesaurus.


16 Amazing Things You Probably Didn't Know

Completely true facts to spice up your small talk game.


The 6 Most Important Things You Need To Know On Friday 11/24

We follow the news, so you don't have to.


Watch Your Back Mark Wahlberg: DARPA Is Making Spy Plants

There's a big, glaring weakness with this plant technology, if we are to use them in a wartime scenario ...


How Did This Suggestive Statue Get Past Quality Control?

What sculptor would look at this without even the slightest of niggling doubts?


KFC's Escape Pod Is Definitely A Murder Cage, Right?

KFC needs to lay off the herbs and spices.


6 Times The News Went Totally Overboard Chasing A Story

It might sound impossible to anyone living in the year 2017, but once upon a time, there was a thing called a 'slow news day.'


Tourists Fined For Borat Costumes Don't Realize It's 2017

Sasha Baron Cohen paid the fines for these mankini-wearing miscreants.


You Can Buy Christmas MAGA Hats To Alienate Your Family

Do you want to alienate your friends and family, while taking a bold pro-Christmas stance that literally nobody opposes?


The Plaza Hotel Offers A Home Alone 2 Experience... Finally?

Good news, everyone! The Plaza Hotel in New York has heard your vehement, rabid, horny calls for a 'Home Alone 2'-inspired getaway.


The 6 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/21/17)

We’ve got your dinner conversation covered.


Bus Interrupts Cameraman's Once In A Lifetime Shot

Let us have a moment of silence for the poor Weather Channel cameraman whose soul was crushed by this bus.


What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now (11/26/2017)

Jim Bakker would like you to buy his $60 bucket of pancake mix, which he claims can help protect you from damnation.