You know how momma birds chew up food and then feed it pre-digested into their chicks' mouths? This is like that, but with news.

Honest Headlines Some areas in South Tahoe have been closed after chipmunks there tested positive for bubonic plague. Reached for comment, COVID-19 said OH MY GOD, DAD, I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Honest Headlines Microsoft has announced that it will require all employees to be vaccinated. are Said a spokesman, We want to show people that the microchips We put in there are perfectly safe. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Honest Headlines Utah officials have described their hospitals as strained. In related news, the Incredible Hulk has described his shorts as a little snug. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Honest Headlines The Sacramento History Museum says multiple gold artifacts from the Gold Rush were stolen. MEMBER Pictured above is the only known photo of the suspect. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

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Honest Headlines Skyrocketing housing prices are forcing Jackson Hole workers to start living in the forest. Unfortunately the forest was immediately purchased for use as a CEO's summer home. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Honest Headlines Tennessee has reportedly paid nearly $500k to farmers who vaccinate their cattle. They said, every COW deserves to live long enough to see the inside of a slaughterhouse. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Honest Headlines The president of Blizzard Entertainment has resigned after accusations of sexual harassment. Books 00 Said Blizzard, sexual harassment should stay in voice chat, where it belongs. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Honest Headlines Colleges are experiencing pushback on vaccination requirements for students on campus. Best of luck to whatever doctor has to contact-trace a beer bong. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Honest Headlines Bill and Melinda Gates have finalized their divorce. Well, as soon as they empty the Recycle Bin. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Honest Headlines French President Emmanuel Macron has started using social media to encourage vaccination. However, his plan backfired when he sent people to social media to get info on vaccination. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Honest Headlines An wall of ice at the Titanic Museum in Tennessee collapsed and injured three guests. Luckily for museumgoers, 90% of the wall was beneath the museum. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Honest Headlines Due to a lack of employees, Spirit Airlines had to cancel half of their flights. The other half of passengers had to endure something even worse: actually flying Spirit Airlines. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Honest Headlines The British Navy has said a ship off the coast of the UAE has been potentially hijacked. 582 Which is one step away from, hypothetically, if We had lost a ship... how mad would you be? CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Honest Headlines New York City has announced it will require proof of vaccination for indoor dining. Say goodbye to my business! responded every restaurant's least favorite customers. CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

Honest Headlines The Sierra Nevada red fox has been listed as federally endangered. Said a Sierra Nevada red fox, Wait, THAT'S why no one's texting me back? CRACKED.COM

Source: AP

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