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Cracked Archive - News

Just In Time For Halloween, Someone's Selling Half A Christmas Tree
Just In Time For Halloween, Someone's Selling Half A Christmas Tree

Just like the classic October jingle, 'Half a holly, jolly Christmas ...'

16
5 Chilling Murderers Who Met Their Ends In Ridiculous Twists
5 Chilling Murderers Who Met Their Ends In Ridiculous Twists

If you sign up to be a serial killer, chances are your own death will be very stupid.

49
Newman is Back -- Seinfeld's Annoying TV Neighbor Stars In Voting PSA
Newman is Back -- Seinfeld's Annoying TV Neighbor Stars In Voting PSA

Hello again, Newman ...

12
Priest Gets Caught Having a Threesome On The Altar Of His Church, Getting More Than Most of Us These Days
Priest Gets Caught Having a Threesome On The Altar Of His Church, Getting More Than Most of Us These Days

Do you think they called him 'father' or 'daddy?'

34
Stripper Voting Campaign 'Get Your Booty To The Poll' Aims to Encourage Voting
Stripper Voting Campaign 'Get Your Booty To The Poll' Aims to Encourage Voting

As Stephen Colbert put it, 'that, my friends, is democracy at twerk.'

29
Japan's Super Mario Theme Park Looks Adorable (But Needs More Waluigi)
Japan's Super Mario Theme Park Looks Adorable (But Needs More Waluigi)

Time to go drown our sorrows in a Luigi soda, folks.

12
Reporters Keep Quoting Fake Van Halen Interview (Whoops)
Reporters Keep Quoting Fake Van Halen Interview (Whoops)

Journalists, they're just like your grandma on Facebook!

6
Friendly Reminder That Kellyanne Conway's Daughter Is Still A Kid
Friendly Reminder That Kellyanne Conway's Daughter Is Still A Kid

To steal a quote from that one guy from 2007, leave Claudia alone.

39
'Sweater Guy' Ken Bone Is Not Someone To Listen To In 2020
'Sweater Guy' Ken Bone Is Not Someone To Listen To In 2020

Ken Bone is back, and as undecided as ever.

41
Prisoners Forced To Listen To 'Baby Shark' For Hours as Punishment
Prisoners Forced To Listen To 'Baby Shark' For Hours as Punishment

It's an inhuman punishment, doot doot doo doot doot doo.

20
Gay Twitter Is Taking Over the Proud Boys Hashtag
Gay Twitter Is Taking Over the Proud Boys Hashtag

Finally, a news story that is actually all sunshine and rainbows.

51
Concerts in 2020 Are About To Be So Weird
Concerts in 2020 Are About To Be So Weird

Roblox isn't just for Lil Pump videos anymore.

6
And Now, Compelling Evidence Shrek Is Secretly Jewish
And Now, Compelling Evidence Shrek Is Secretly Jewish

Time to send Shrek an early invite to your Hanukkah Zoom call.

20
Because Of Google, The Internet Thinks A Random Woman Is Jeff Bezos
Because Of Google, The Internet Thinks A Random Woman Is Jeff Bezos

Despite what Google says, this woman is definitely not Jeff Bezos.

9
Trump's Diagnosis Could Unleash Amendment Mostly Used for Presidential Colonoscopies
Trump's Diagnosis Could Unleash Amendment Mostly Used for Presidential Colonoscopies

So far, the 25th Amendment has only been invoked for, well, uncomfortable situations.

63