25 Totally Bonkers News Stories That Just Don’t Sit Right With Us

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25 Totally Bonkers News Stories That Just Don’t Sit Right With Us

The following facts have been culled from a wide variety of sources, both historical and contemporary. While there is a common theme to many of them, it should be noted that each fact in its entirety is a separate entity and not meant to be taken out of context. Each fact is a piece of evidence in support of a grander truth that I have no desire to reveal here. However, the reader is welcome to enjoy this list of interesting facts for its own sake, if they so choose. The purpose of this list is not to explain how the world works. It is a celebration of how wonderfully strange our universe is, and why it is such a magnificent place to enjoy this list of interesting facts in. Also, please keep in mind that many of these facts were discovered by others long before I came along. If you do not already know something, and you are interested in finding out more, I suggest you do some research on your own. Then come back to me and say, “I did not know that.” I'm always happy to learn new things.

Minnesota Just Legalized Edibles After a Republican Didn’t Read the Bill.

Republicans accidentally legalízed THC edibles because they didn't read a bill they passed. GRAGKED.COM The legalization measure was included in a health and human services funding bill and a key Republican state senator didn't read the text closely enough, asking for a do-over when he realized his mistake.

Mother Jones 

31 decomposing bodies found at Indiana funeral home.

Dozens of bodies in varying stages of decay were found in a funeral home in Indiana. ONE WAY CRACKED.COM The bodies of 31 people along with the cremated remains of 16 were discovered by officers following a tip on the condition of the business. It's not clear if police suspect there was any wrongdoing, and no arrests have been made

Yahoo 

77 rescued from Nigerian church basement after awaiting second coming of Christ.

77 patrons of a church in Nigeria were kept in a basement awaiting the second coming of Christ. CRACKED COM Pastors had encouraged church members to stay behind and wait for the rapture, which they did, for over a year. A total of 23 children were among those rescued from the Whole Bible Believer Church.

Sky News 

Florida man poses as Disney World cast member, steals $10K R2-D2 droid.

Someone dressed as a Disney World cast member to try and steal a game machine and a $10k R2-D2. CRACKED COM David Proudfoot says he had no intention of taking the items off property, he had an application for a security job pending at Walt Disney World and wanted to show weaknesses in the security of the resorts.

Fox Orlando 

Mystery as Canadian radio station plays Rage Against the Machine song nonstop.

A pop radio station in Canada played Rage Against The Machine in protest for hours. UNITE GRACKED.COM KISS-FM 104.9 began play- ing Killing In the Name following layoffs at the station, over and over on a loop, ignoring caller re- quests - except ones ask- ing to hear the song again.

The Guardian 

Texas death row inmate asks for execution delay to donate his kidney.

A death row inmate in Texas asked for a delay in his execution so he could donate a kidney. CRACKED.COM Ramiro Gonzales' lawyers appealed to Governor Greg Abbott to delay the execu- tion by a month so that their client can be considered a living donor to someone who is in urgent need of a kidney transplant.

Screenshot Media 

Nintendo fan spent over $40,000 buying stock to ask executives why the company won't make his favorite game.

A fan spent $40,000 to buy Nintendo stock and ask for more F-Zero games. POUER 00200 SIFE SPEED 241 kulh RANK 10 4 1'23 90 CRACKED.COM Не used his opportunity to ask the Nintendo president if the company has consid- ered relaunching some fan-favorite game franchis- es, specifically F-Zero, during their annual share- holder meeting.

Business Insider 

Mafia drops ban on homosexuality after discovering mob boss’ son is a fabulous drag queen.

The Italian mob is finally moving into the 21s st century and allowing gay members. CRACKED.COM The Italian Mafia has opened its doors to gay men for the first time after it emerged that a mob boss' son is living as a fab- ulous drag queen. Slay, queen! No, literally, you have to murder people.

Pink News 

109 live animals found in women's luggage in massive airport wildlife trafficking bust.

Two women were busted at an airport with 109 live animals in their luggage. CRACKED COM The women tried to board a flight from Thai- land to India, with porcu- pines, armadillos, turtles, chameleons and snakes in their luggage - caught by security x-ray.

ABC 

Tractorgate MP says his wife chases him around the kitchen with scissors.

A UK Parliament member was chased by his scissor-wielding wife when his porn-habits became known. CRACKED.COM Neil Parish resigned from his position after admitting to watching porn while in Parliament, and now says his wife has chased him shouting snick or snack while attempting to cut off his penis.

Scottish Daily Express 

Beer Made From Recycled Toilet Water Wins Admirers In Singapore.

A brewery in Singapore launched a brew made from recycled sewage. GRACKED.COM NEWBrew by brewer Brew- erkz uses NEWater, Singa- pore's brand of drinking water recycled from sew- age, which first flowed from treatment plants in 2003 to improve the is- land's water security.

NDTV 

Putin: Western leaders would look 'disgusting' topless.

Putin says that Western leaders would look disgusting topless. CRACKED.COM Boris Johnson joked that leaders at the G7 summit could take their clothes off to show that we're tougher than Putin. Putin says they would look disgusting if they tried to emulate his bare-torso appearances.

AP News 

Kangaroo ran loose in Baton Rouge area after parrot set it free.

A pet parrot set a pet kangaroo free in Louisiana. GRACKED.COM Officials with East Baton Rouge Animal Control say that Baxter the kangaroo's owners, who previously owned a ZOO and now operate a non-profit, will have to give him up since it's illegal to keep a kangaroo as a pet in the parish.

WBRZ 

Supreme Court limits EPA authority to set climate standards for power plants.

The Supreme Court killed the EPA's authority over climate standards for power plants. CRACKED.COM The court ruled 6-3 that Con- gress, not the ЕРА, has the power to create a broad sys- tem of regulations to limit emissions from existing pow- er plants in a bid to transition away from coal to renewable energy sources.

CNBC 

People are getting explosive gastroenteritis at the Grand Canyon.

An outbreak of gastroenteritis is causing people to violently poop themselves at the Grand Canyon. GRACKED COM A months-long outbreak of gastrointestinal illness, like- ly caused by norovirus, has plagued 150 river rafters and campers at the Ameri- can landmark. Park officials urge visitors to practice general cleanliness.

Ars Technica 

Giuliani deletes tweet that Hutchinson not there "when I asked for pardon.”

Giuliani quickly deleted a tweet saying a January 6 committee witness wasn't there when he asked for a pardon. CRACKED.COM Giuliani says the witness, Cassidy Hutchinson, is a liar because she was never pres- ent when I asked for a par- don. Не then immediately walks it back in the next line, Actually, I told the president I did not want or need one.

Newsweek 

SF couple gets $1,500 fine for parking in their driveway despite doing so for nearly 40 years.

A San Francisco couple received a $1,500 ticket for parking in their own driveway. CRACKED COM The couple managed to find an aerial photo from 1938 showing a car pull- ing into the spot to prove historical precedence, but were told the photo was too fuzzy.

ABC 

Crisis pregnancy centers in Texas gave medical misinformation to NBC News producers.

State funded crisis pregnancy centers in Texas told NBC that abortions cause mental illness and cancer. M NBC NEWS CRACKED.COM Crisis pregnancy centers outnumber abortion clinics 3 to 1 nationwide, and have been accused of providing what experts have called misleading or false infor- mation to discourage wom- en from getting abortions.

NBC News 

Kinzinger calls Cheney primary challengers ‘a bunch of armpit farters.’

Rep. Adam Kinzinger called Wyoming's Republican primary debate participants armpit farters. CRACKED.COM That is, except for Liz Cheney, who he says is the only serious person up there. Kinzinger and Cheney both have drawn the ire of fellow Republi- cans for serving on the January 6 committee.

The Hill 

Texas educator group proposes referring to slavery as “involuntary relocation.”

An educator group in Texas wants 2nd grade social studies to refer to slavery as involuntary relocation. JBM CRACKED COM OJ This summer, the state ed- ucation board will consider updates to social studies instruction a year after lawmakers passed a law to keep topics that make stu- dents feel discomfort out of Texas classrooms.

Texas Tribune 

Pope Francis urges mothers to stop ironing son's shirts and urge them to get married.

The Pope is urging mothers to stop ironing their son's shirts and tell them to get married. CRACKED.COM Pope Francis made the com- ments during a service to mark the end of the 10th World Meeting of Families, also telling adult men not to take the easy road and re- turn to their mothers in moments of difficulty.

Somerset Live 

Hikers had no gear on cold Colorado trail because it’s ‘so hot in Texas.’

Hikers almost died on a cold Colorado trail because they were used to Texas weather. CRACKED COM The severely under pre- pared hikers called for help after experiencing hypo- thermia. They didn't un- derstand why it was so cold and rainy in Colorado when 'it was so hot' where they hike in Texas.

Star Telegram 

Trump's 'girth would prevent him from actually getting to the steering wheel' of his SUV.

A former Secret Service agent says Trump was too fat to lunge towards the steering wheel of his SUV. - CRACKED.COM Trump has been accused of try- ing to grab the steering wheel of his SUV, demanding the Secret Service agent behind the wheel take him to the Capitol on Janu- ary 6th, 2021. Several sources say his girth simply would not al- low this to happen.

Business Insider 

Jupiter CEO Quits $68 Billion Firm to Sit at the Beach and ‘Do Nothing.’

The CEO of a $68 billion asset management firm is quitting to sit on a beach and do nothing. CRACKED.COM Andrew Formica is leav- ing Jupiter Fund Manage- ment Plc to be closer to his elderly parents and do nothing. I'm not thinking about anything else, he says.

Bloomberg 

Utah Republican apologizes for saying women can control ‘intake of semen.’

A republican in Utah said that women can control the intake of semen during sex. CRACKED.COM Karianne Lisonbee, a mem- ber of the Utah House of Representatives, said that, in light of Roe v. Wade be- ing overturned, she trusts women have control over who ejaculates in them and what that semen does.

The Guardian 

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