This piece was written by the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Having gadgets and gizmos and doodads is one of the best things about living in the 21st century. So here are ten of the coolest ones, because we think it's high time you brought yourself to the present by buying yourself a present.
If your idea of "drinking responsibly" is to only stop once you start forgetting where you parked, then the BACtrack Personal Breathalyzer is the perfect device to keep you in check. BACtrack fits on your keychain, and has a built-in OLED screen that displays your blood alcohol level. Plus, you can connect to BACtrack's companion smartphone app to track your BAC over time, see how long it will take you to sober up, and even order an Uber or Lyft if you get caught out having too much fun. Normally this little miracle sells for $69.99, but you can knock 14 percent off and get one for $59.99.
If you're looking to enjoy a rockin' concert or band practice in your garage without sacrificing your long-term ability to have functioning ears, then you should invest in a pair of Vibes Hi-Fidelity Earplugs. Vibes are designed to protect your overall hearing while still allowing you to enjoy what you're listening to by decreasing decibel level while increasing clarity using specially designed sound tubes. They also come with an attachable cord, so you don't need to worry about losing them at the motocross speedway or space shuttle launch. You can get a pair of Vibes Hi-Fidelity Earplugs for $19.99, 25 percent off the normal price of $26.99.
If you're tired of propping your phone or computer up against a pile of unread Jack Kerouac novels every time you need to get some work done at the coffee shop, then you need the FODI Origami Multipurpose Device Stand. It's a fully collapsible, paper-thin stand that you can easily carry with you anywhere you go. It's so small that you can use it as a bookmark, but unfolded and fully bloomed, it can support an impressive 44 pounds of smartphones, tablets, and computers. It even comes with a buckle to keep your various cables organized. Normally the FODI Origami Device Stand sells for $25, but you get one at 40 percent off for just $14.99.
If you're looking for a new pair of wireless earbuds that will stay connected whether you're walking downtown, working out at the gym, or taking part in an intense karate battle that will decide the fate of your family, check out the ALLAS True Wireless Earbuds. They're the first Bluetooth 5.0-compatible earbuds available worldwide, with eight times the broadcast capacity of other Bluetooth earbuds, meaning you'll enjoy near-instant pairing and uninterrupted connectivity. Plus they're sweat- and water-resistant, so they can withstand spirited workout sessions, and even a jog in the rain if you're Rocky Balboa or something. Normally the ALLAS True Wireless Bluetooth Earbuds sell for $99, but you can get your mitts on a pair at 49 percent off for just $49.99.
If given the choice, many of us would rather endure hours of enhanced interrogation than floss. But the Aqua Flosser makes flossing painless and, dare we say, fun. This FDA-approved flosser uses directed water jets to clean all the gunk out from between your teeth five times faster than regular flossing while being much gentler on your gums, so you'll never come out of a vigorous flossing session looking like a longshot prizefighter again. The Aqua Flosser normally retails for $149.99, but you can get one at 73 percent off for only $39.99.
If your mattress is so lumpy that you feel like you're sleeping on a pile of gnomes every night, upgrade to the Yaasa ONE Mattress. The Yaasa ONE combines an advanced pocket coil system with cooling infinity foam to create contoured support and breathability, meaning it doesn't trap heat like other mattresses. You'll also have the exact level of support you need, no matter what position you sleep in (unless you sleep suspended by your feet from the ceiling, in which case you need a lot more help than a mattress can provide, Michael Keaton). A Yaasa ONE Mattress usually sells for $899, but you can take 38 percent off and start sleeping on one for $549.
Did you know that 30 percent of all comic book villain origin stories begin with an average guy going mad because he couldn't find the correct travel adapter? We might have fudged the numbers on this a bit, but if you do any international traveling, then you're aware of how frustrating this dilemma can be. That's where the Ceptics World Travel Adapter Kit comes in. It comes with a five-in-one charger and 13 interchangeable plugs, so you can charge up to five devices no matter where you are. It also features surge protection and a voltage indicator, because even supervillains need to be cautious. The Ceptics World Travel Adapter Kit normally sells for $59.99, but you can get one at 33 percent off for $39.99.
The POWERUP 3.0 Smartphone-Controlled Paper Airplane Kit allows you to strap a tiny electronic motor to a paper airplane, perfect for all of you aspiring Bart Simpsons looking to cause mayhem. The Bluetooth-enabled motor module connects to your smartphone, letting you fly your paper airplane via simple touchscreen controls all around your house and/or office and/or detention room at a range of up to 55 meters. It even comes with instructions on building different kinds of paper airplanes, in case you haven't been keeping up with your skills since grade school. The POWERUP 3.0 Paper Airplane Kit usually sells for $49.95, but you can knock 13 percent off and get the kit for $42.99.
The Crux Supply Co. Shaving Bundle delivers to you a sack of high-quality shaving accessories that will make Movember and/or prepping for swimsuit season a divine ritual. It comes complete with a wood-handled, boar-bristled shaving brush, a stainless steel bowl, lathering soap, and pre- and post-shave oil and tonic to keep your beard immaculately styled and your skin smoother than a dolphin's butt. Normally the Crux Supply Co. bundle costs $50, but you can get one at 24 percent off for only $37.99.
You can have even more awesome gizmos in your life. These Nifty Gadgets Are Like The Name Brand (But Cheaper).