I also saw lots of comments about how dreamy the prime minister whom I and 60.5 percent of my fellow electorate didn't vote for is. Because clearly, if there's one salient thing you need to know about a country's leader, it's whether or not they're fuckable. A nationality is not a sports team; you can't just buy a hat and hop on the bandwagon. Canada recently welcomed over 33,000 people fleeing a brutal civil war. If you're not also fleeing hatred, you're going to have to do better than "I lost a fair and democratic election, even though I Tweeted a few zingers about it, so I'm crashing at your place. You guys have a king or whatever, right? Can I have a job? Or do I have to learn the rules of hockey first, eh?"
Canada is not a Shangri-La where all of your problems will be solved. Don't get me wrong, I love my country. I wrote this entire column while getting a free MRI, just because I could. But a politician currently running for a leadership position is praising Trump, we treat our Aboriginal people with horrifying indifference, and Quebec is currently struggling with Islamophobia. I live in a province that recently elected a progressive female leader, but awful attitudes toward women did not suddenly vanish overnight. Vancouver, which Lena Dunham said she'd flee to, is currently experiencing record housing prices, thanks to foreign buyers like Dunham who love its idyllic climate, as well as record homelessness, thanks to owners of expensive houses who think homeless people are an inconvenient eyesore blighting the idyllic climate.
It's not that any of those problems are insurmountable. I think they can all be addressed. But when people talk about moving to Canada, they tend to picture this:
You won't get that. You'll get this: