"Sorry, I just wanted to see if they'd do that. And they would! They'll do anything I say! You: Take off your pants!"
Staring straight ahead, eyes never focused on anything closer than one thousand yards, the Swiss Guard grabbed his pants and tore them away like the throat of a threat to the leader of the Holy See. Strangely, standing pantsless before the assembled clergy of the Vatican actually increased his dignity, because it meant wearing less of his ridiculous costume.
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And you will know the true fear of God if he drops that banner.
The pope sat back, tilting his miter to a rakish angle.
"All right, all right, let's get on with this. This is my last day, and I've seen enough cop movies to know that means I need to stay indoors and file paperwork. This close to finally having some me time, I am NOT in the mood to forgive assassins."
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"That's why I'm undercover as Santa."