This piece was written by the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
"It's 2019!" we cry out. "Where is my flying car and teleporter and adequate sequel to Jurassic Park?" And while it's kind of a bummer that we don't have any of these things, it's also true that the future we do occupy is pretty sweet on its own. That's why the Cracked Store wrangled up all the coolest futuristic devices we could find into this single list. Now, even the most cynical and jaded can't complain that 2019 sucks, since it's full of cool gizmos like ...
Commercial drones are dope. We've all seen the GIFs on Reddit. But going by the ancient adage "There's nothing that can't be improved by making it Star Wars," someone took the already-cool concept of a remote drone and went rogue. (Well, technically Empire.) This TIE Advanced X1 can zip around at up to 35 mph and pull off awesome Original Trilogy stunts at the push of a button. And if you doubt your skills, fear not -- the included companion app comes with 30 pre-programmed training missions. Normally $149.95, you can buy the Drone TIE Fighter (or the X-Wing and Z4-Z Speeder Bike variants) for just $49.99 in the Cracked Store.
You're an elite gamer, pwning n00bs and crushing l33tz alike with your tight 360 no-scope headshots. But every once in a while, someone out there still manages to get the best of you, and it's driving you insane. That's because you don't have a pro-grade, fully customizable gaming mouse with seven programmable buttons, a full-spectrum 16.8 million color RGB lighting system, and a premium built-to-last build quality. Now nobody can stop you in the game world, because you're from the future, and you already pulled off these moves. Normally $35, you can buy the Pwnage Altier Pro Mouse in the Cracked Store for just $24.99.
We know that one of the biggest stressors in our readers' lives is the inability to capture and share all the killer stunts they pull off every day. That's why we went out of our way to offer this Pro HD Waterproof action camera. It features a 12 MP HD wide-angle lens, charges in just three and a half hours, and is compatible with most Windows or Mac computers. Just imagine all of those sick shots. Normally $149.95, this camera is available in the Cracked Store right at this very second for just $39.99.
If you dream of building robots that can be controlled with Alexa voice controls like a trainer commanding a Pokemon, then this kit will help you make those dreams a reality. 55 lectures will help you explore the underlying Alexa ecosystem and prepare you for Raspberry Pi programming, and it even includes some physical devices that you'll use to construct your very own machine. Altogether these kits and classes would cost $448.98, but the bundle is available in the Cracked Store right now for just $139.99.
"Wait a minute, knives aren't from the future! They've been around since cavemen and stuff." Well, knives like these sure haven't been around since cavemen, unless they were chopping up Woolly Mammoths using knives with 12-degree laser-precise cutting edges, full-tang handles, triple rivets, nitrogen-cooled blades, and used carbon steel graded to an incredible 62+ Rockwell hardness. No, they sure didn't have these puppies, and they definitely didn't have the $300 to normally afford them. But we're selling these Damasukasu Mash Chef Hanshu Knives right now in the Cracked Store for just $69.99. Because we're from the future.
Despite the terrifying name, deadbolts aren't actually that great a security measure. A good kick or an army of zombies can shove their way through a deadbolted door in seconds. That's why (or at least one of the reasons why) U.S. Special Forces veterans designed the HAVEN Mech Door Lock. It's a foot-activated machine that secures your door at its strongest point (the base) to create a security wall that's ten times stronger than a normal deadbolt. Normally $182.00, the HAVEN Mech Door Lock is available in the Cracked Store right now for just $134.99.
This tiny device slips easily into your pocket, and yet guarantees that you can browse the internet securely using TOR and VPN simultaneously or independently. It even lets you share files securely with a built-in USB port. And look how stylish it is!
Normally $119.99, this amazing gadget is for sale in the Cracked Store for just $84.99.
If the internet is an accurate representation of everyone's opinions (and we can say with confidence that it is), everyone loves AirPods but also, weirdly, kinda hates AirPods. That's why these not-AirPods are so great. They look like Apple's generic headphones, but they're actually better, since they recharge in the included case, last three hours, operate on Bluetooth 4.2 at a distance of 33 feet, and are affordable. Normally $99.99, you can buy them right now in the Cracked Store for just $34.99.
Most VR headsets require expensive consoles or external devices, but the K-View connects to just about any smartphone. Woo! It'll deliver an immersive 360-degree experience of movies, games, and whatever else you feel like watching. Woo! Woo!
Normally $99.99, you can get yours in the Cracked Store for 90 percent off. That's just $9.99 for the K-View VR Headset.
This is the world's smallest vaporizer for waxy oils and liquid, which automatically warrants its inclusion in a list of futuristic devices. On top of that, it's compatible with any disposable cartridge with a 510 thread, and comes with a magnetic connector for even quicker cartridge exchange. In the future (further in the future than the current future, that is) it'll be crazy to not use one of these. Normally $34.99, the Hippie Nano Plus is available in the Cracked Store right now for just $19.99.
Not sci-fi enough for you? Create A Jetson's Future With This Machine Learning Bundle.