Between the turbulent elections, the loss of beloved and iconic societal figures, and the atrocities occurring overseas, 2016 might be best remembered as the year humanity collectively threw up its hands and said "Ya know what, alien invaders? Take it. Take this whole stupid Earth."
We could probably learn a lot from aliens!
You always do see the positive side of things, boldfaced text. And following your example, the Cracked Dispensary has the perfect T-shirts with which to end 2016 with a bang. Rock these shirts into 2017, and we're sure everything will turn out A-OK. Or at least slightly better.
If there was one headline to dominate 2016, it was the proliferation of fake news. Or was it? Nobody knows for sure, much like how nobody knows if NASA has or hasn't been throwing the cosmic wool over the eyes of the people for decades. This T-shirt promises to finally provide some truth by giving you the original, unaltered photo of the Moon landing. Is that a reflection of the Moon ON THE MOON? Did we ever land on the actual Moon? Is Marco Rubio collaborating WITH THE LIBERAL MOON PEOPLE? This shirt answers a few questions, but opens so many more.
Most media outlets have been hard to trust in 2016, but if there's one place we know we can count on for dependable fictional news, it's Channel 6 News at KBBL Springfield. So wear this shirt with pride, and let everyone know that for the past 25 years, you've relied on the unreliable Kent Brockman to truly tell it like it isn't.
The seal of the president of the United States is a powerful symbol, granting authority to anything it rests upon. The seal of Cracked, however, carries the power of a comedy website trading in facts about presidential genitals. So which symbol is really more important? That's for you to decide. Know that if you do wear this T-shirt, your very presence will signal to the world that no political office on Earth can stand in the way of a good Lyndon Johnson dong joke.
Pretty cool, but what about the Cracked Store?
Hey, 2016 isn't even over and you're finally getting the hang of this, boldfaced text! Here are some of our best-sellers from the Cracked Store, guaranteed to help you finish the year in style.
What's more amazing than a ragtag group of rebels stealing plans from the greatest military force to have ever existed? How about a Star Wars prequel that is actually decent? Celebrate cinema's most pleasant surprise with this limited edition Rogue One: A Star Wars Story Collector's Box. This box is packed with a collector's T-shirt, two pieces of collector's headwear, a Funko figurine, a signed Star Wars novel, a Marvel Star Wars comic book, and a whole lot more. Talk about a new hope for the Universe.
Our top-selling watch this year was the Martian Notifier Smartwatch, and for good reason. The Martian Notifier Smartwatch has the sleek appeal of an old-school timepiece, while possessing enough technological muster to make Tony Stark's power core skip a beat. This watch can give you push notifications on hundreds of apps, set up to five individual or recurring alarms, snap pictures with a remote trigger, check local weather, and can even find your phone for you. OK, so maybe it's not Tony-Stark-level technology, but you can't even find your phone right now. And if the Avengers application form that the guy behind the Wendy's handed to us is to be trusted, being able to find your phones and give them to the official Avengers recruiter is a must.
If you're a Cubs fan, then listening to the World Series this year probably made you poop your pants, or at least gave you some ecstatic farts. Thankfully, we've got the Car Plug-In Air Purifier to give your car exactly what it needs to recover. The built-in ionizer will boost your vehicle's air quality, zapping foul odors and filtering out irritating allergens like dust, pollen, or the tears of Cleveland Indians fans. Not that you'd be giving any of them a ride in your victory wagon, anyway.
Is that everything for all of 2016?
Not even close. You can view our full catalog of items by clicking on the link for the Cracked Dispensary and the Cracked Store. You can also scroll up top and click the links for each corresponding product. Happy 2016, Cracked readers! We can't wait to show you what we've got in store next year!
How did these hyper-specific tropes spread so quickly?
The Hollywood rumor mill has been playing games with celebrity deaths for at least a century.