For Coming Out of Their Shells, the Turtles became glam rock Springsteen impersonators wearing studded leather bondage straps and rictus grins to engage in a tense music battle with the Shredder, because the production meeting that resulted in this show apparently involved taking all of the acid in the universe and throwing Ninja Turtle action figures at a Bon Jovi poster like darts.
It was a game we all lost.
For those of us who weren't lucky enough to witness this nightmare live, they made a VHS of the show to preserve the dazzling experience for all time. Seeing the four turtles perform onstage is like watching a dead barbershop quartet lip-sync their way through an audition on The Voice with shock-induced muscle spasms. The Shredder insists he hates music, yet delivers a choreographed rap song that he clearly spent several hours putting together, which isn't something a proud non-student of musical theory would do. He also heckles the crowd like an insult comic while wearing a helmet with the face cut out of it for no conceivable reason.
Mirage Studios/Viacom via YouTube
"Eh, who gives a shit, am I right?"