However, none of us huge fans of the 2011 Footloose remake would DARE risk staking a political claim against a sitting president -- or adopting any opinions, really -- without the express consent of our beloved 2011 Footloose remake Twitter account. Even if the verified Twitter account pertaining to the 2011 remake of the film Footloose didn't expressly clarify its position on a particular social issue, I'd still be mortified to speak out against it. What if the 2011 Footloose remake Twitter account later tweeted the OPPOSITE of my opinion? Then I'd be in conflict with my primary ideological compass (which is, again, a promotional social media account pertaining to a six-year-old reboot of a Kevin Bacon film from 23 years ago).
So WATCH OUT, Mr. Trump. Me and all the other Footies are gunnin' for ya! That's the nickname for us countless, rabid fans of the 2011 remake of the film Footloose -- NOT to be confused with those poser fans of the 1984 Footloose PRE-make. Yeah, that's right. We don't call it the "original" Footloose. The 2011 film is the only true canonical entry in the LooseyVerse. The entire 1984 film is a mere hypothetical fever dream FORESHADOWING the events of the 2011 film. But I digress. Hop on r/2011FootlooseIsTheOneTrueLooseyVerseFilm, and they'll explain it. Lotta great GIFs on there too from the 2011 movie Footloose. And virulent racism.
Make no mistake about it, us Footloose (2011) fans KNOW how to fight back. Mr. Trump, there's no foot-winning against us (only foot-losin'). This time, instead of violently punch-dancing in a sweaty-ass warehouse, we're takin' things to the WEB. TWEETS are our punch-dancing. CYBERSPACE is our dusty abandoned warehouse with a bunch of shit to fling ourselves against. RETWEETS are, like, that bar we swing around a bunch of times. Moodily thrown beers = likes. Political activism is wide shots of our silhouette. Smash-cuts of the same jump happening over and over again is Trump getting impeached. And Trump, obviously, is the tyrannical John Lithgow preacher character iconically portrayed by Dennis Quaid in the 2011 version. We're gonna single-footedly stop President Dennis Quaid.
Together, we shall DANCE (fight) against the GUY WHO BANS DANCING (Trump), DEFEAT HIM (making dancing legal again), and celebrating by DANCING (dancing). This time, the WORLD is Footloose, and WE are, uh, whoever the main guy was in that 2011 Footloose. Can't remember right now. Hang on, lemme IMDb it real quick ... one sec ... "Kenny Wormald"? Who the hell? What else was this dude in ... Brian Wilson biopic ... something called "Kid Cannabis." Whaa? Hm. Do not know this guy. Anyway, getting off-topic. The point is, WE are that guy that I just said. And we WILL triumph.
Together, we can give AMERICA the 2011 reboot it truly deserves.
The proliferation of beer pong and craft beer may have you think that we're living in one of the peak times to get drunk, but humans have been getting famously hammered for millennia. Like a frat house's lawn after a kegger, history is littered with world changing events that were secretly powered by booze. The inaugural games of the Roman Coliseum, the drafting of the U.S. Constitution, and the Russian Revolution were all capped off by major parties that most attendees probably regretted in the morning.
Join Jack O'Brien and Cracked staffers Carmen Angelica, Alex Schmidt, and Michael Swaim, plus comedian Blake Wexler, for a retelling of history's biggest moments you didn't realize everyone was drunk for.
Get your tickets here:
For more, check out How Actual Nazis Are Influencing Trump (More Than He Knows) and The Problem With Calling Donald Trump A Nazi.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel and check out Donald Trump Finally Embraces The Hitler Comparisons, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
Also follow us on Facebook, because we're all in this together.
Recommended For Your Pleasure
The main benefit of watching TV is seeing the plight of sad bastards who aren't you.
- By Ian Fortey
- March 10, 2019
The 'wellness' market is thriving right now.
- By Lydia Bugg
- March 08, 2019
Most people have a pretty basic idea of what it's like to be a parent.
- By Seanbaby
- March 15, 2019
There's no shortage of downright absurd conspiracy theories out there.
- By Boone Ashworth
- March 14, 2019
Instead of rebooting and recasting, we have a chance for something new.
- By Archie Grimm
- March 06, 2019