Many view sleep purely as a necessity of being human -- a curse we have to endure that saps away a third of our lives. Our beds are merely a horizontal surface on which to lay flat as we wait out the night, our pillows a shackle to an ethereal unreality, keeping us from ...
Wait, this is getting kind of deep for a store post.
Our point is that sleeping isn't just about rest. Sleeping is about style, baby!
Ah. Yep. There it is.
That's why the Cracked Dispensary and the Cracked Store are pulling out the best bedware we have to offer. Because hey, if sleep is an unavoidable part of the human condition, then you might as well look and feel good doing it.
Pillows aren't just for napping or sexually suggestive sorority play-fighting. They are an oft-overlooked but essential part of the decor. This Retro Cracked Pillow Cover will perfectly match your modern throwback couch and remind visitors that while yes, you might have had humble beginnings, you've evolved into a totally new website- uh ... person now.
No one slept more soundly than Han Solo did in carbonite, and no one will sleep more soundly than you after being wrapped up in this Joy Division Going Solo duvet cover. However, you definitely have the better deal in this scenario. Your alarm clock probably isn't the sound of Jabba the Hutt laughing.
Everyone knows that we at Cracked have wrapped ourselves in a blanket of pop culture in a figurative sense, but you might not realize that we've done so in a literal sense too. Come join us in the blankety goodness with this polyester and Sherpa fleece blanket, which will keep you cozy long after these cultural symbols have faded into obscurity.
If you're having trouble sleeping but don't know why, it's probably because your sheets suck. I haven't not fallen asleep in my spinning desk chair in two years, so I guess that's the reason. The 2000 Series Luxury Sheets are made from eco-friendly bamboo yarn and ultra-soft microfiber, which will allow you to conquer the realms of sleep, relaxation, and general laziness, all in one swoop.
We call this The Nomad Bed, but we're not sure why, because it just makes you want to stay blissfully curled up in the same spot for hours on end. Perhaps it should be pronounced "no-mad," as in you will no longer wake up mad after sleeping on this ergonomically designed memory foam mattress? Eh, who knows? Branding is weird. Words are a dangerous enigma. The bed is great, is what we're saying.
There's no better feeling than collapsing into bed after a long day of work, but if you have crappy pillows (and face it, most pillows feel like they're full of stuffed animal roadkill), then what should be a moment of relief will turn into a literal headache. Our Comfort Bamboo Pillows are made with all-natural multi-layer memory foam and come with soft bamboo cases, all of which will ensure that you no longer feel like you're placing your noggin on spoiled teddy bear guts.
I could use a nap right about now.
Hold on to your sleeping caps. You can get any of our top-quality sleep gear by scrolling up and clicking on whatever you're looking for. You can also find even more great products in the Cracked Dispensary and the Cracked Store. Rest easy friends, but even more importantly, make sure you rest in style.
Things could always be much, much worse.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
You've probably never heard of it.