This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
How useful would all of the stuff that's currently in your trunk or closet be in a life-and-death situation? Unless you can make a raft out of old Sports Illustrated magazines, then probably not very useful. To help you better prepare for future disasters, here are five things that can give you a fighting chance:
Emergency Multi-Function Radio & Flashlight
This Emergency Multi-Function Radio & Flashlight is a versatile battery box which charges via solar energy and/or hand crank, and it delivers power to other devices over USB. Now you can save your batteries for the important stuff, like playing Game Boy or chucking at squirrels who nose themselves into your food supplies. You can pick one up from the Cracked Shop for 78 percent off the normal price, just $18.99.
Emergency Kit In A Box
It's hard to keep track of all the little things that'll help you survive when floodwaters are rushing into your kitchen, especially when to-do lists tend to get soggy. Instead, pick up an Emergency Kit in a Box. Everything you need will be vacuum-sealed and safe from the elements. This package includes a tarp, sleeping bag, and a handful of other tools to help you set up camp. Get it here for $34.
UltraBright 500-Lumen Tactical Military Flashlight 2-Pack
A Tactical Military Flashlight will prepare you for all kinds of reconnaissance and search missions, while the military-grade materials keeps your light source safe. Their 500-lumen LEDs provide visibility up to a mile, and lightweight aluminum housing can take a heavy beating. This pack contains two, ensuring that even in life-and-death scenarios, two people can read Archie Comics at a time. They come with a carrying case and cost just $17.99.
1HYDRO Series Filtration Bottle
Drinking from the river is usually not a healthy decision unless you've got a microscopic filter, like the one built into this 1HYDRO water bottle. This vessel uses activated charcoal and antibacterial beads to remove nearly all traces of waterborne bacteria, so that no water source you come across is wasted. Grab a 1HYDRO Series Filtration Bottle for $100 off retail, only $29.99.
Surviv-All Outdoor Knife
Every survivalist knows that the two things you need to get through any situation are a sharp blade and a roaring fire. Also some toilet paper. But the knife and the fire are the important things. This combination camp knife and sheath / multitool contains emergency paracord, an integrated sharpener, and a fire starter to help you tame the wilds. Usually $45, you can get it from our store for $32.99.
Mother Nature quakes with fear at the mere mention of your name. You eat five dozen raw eggs as a midnight snack, and went as Teddy Roosevelt for nine straight Halloweens. Punch a shark or two and wear your Male Pattern Badness with pride.
Pick up some more must-have survival tools with 10 Items You Need (More Than A Chainsaw) In The Apocalyspe.
Our bodies are changing.
Many of today's celebrities have some real surprises in their family trees.
Everybody loves a good old-fashioned meltdown.
Science is fun.