Don't let its surprisingly delicious smell fool you. Microwave chicken and broccoli tastes like the brains of an anti-vaccination activist; it's bland, empty, and you can never be quite sure whether it's completely cooked. Verdict: Avoid like the various plagues that might be on the menu if it turns out the meat was undercooked after all.
Dear reader: I have committed a terrible sin. I have abused bacon.
I had such high expectations for this one. I didn't taste the bacon I used for the roast, but it seemed delicious enough. I also know that eggs can be cooked in the microwave, if you accept a certain amount of popping and aren't particularly keen on keeping every single particle of the meal on the plate. Ergo, bacon and scrambled eggs should be totally doable in the microwave.
To play things safe, I follow the book's advice to the tiniest detail: I remember to whisk the eggs well before putting them in. I cover the bacon with a paper towel to ... keep the bacony-ness in, I suppose? I microwave both ingredients separately, with the exact instructions given by the recipe. However, the results are ... not optimal.
Is that modern art?
What's the worst way you've ever messed up bacon and eggs? If it was anything short of a grease fire that burned down a puppy orphanage, I'm pretty certain it was not as bad as the picture above. The lighting for said picture, by the way, was exactly the same as it was for the others in this article -- even light is so ashamed of this abomination that it didn't want to be in the same picture.
Let's break it down. That white thing you see coating the bacon is, of course, the paper towel, which soaked up enough grease to fall on top of the delicious pig strips and fuse itself into them, creating one of the few instances of inedible bacon in history. What little I managed to nibble of the actual meat didn't exactly convince me, either -- what I by now recognize as the taste of microwaving (which is actually a complete lack of the kind of signature taste all other methods of preparation bring to the table) rendered even the bacon experience bland.
Not to mention ugly.
As for the other main ingredient, I'm not too particular on how I like my eggs, as long as they're not in the shape of an ocean. I taste them anyway, because of course I do. As expected, they taste like slime that came out of a chicken's butt, because that's what they currently are.
I ... think that's actually a pretty appropriate mental image to end this column with. Pepto-Bismol, anyone?
For more from Pauli, check out 5 Painful Things Everyone Needs to Realize About Themselves and 5 Animals that Survived Shit that Would Kill a Terminator.
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