I Googled "Nicki Minaj butt hugging a goblin" and got this.
During the course of their argument over who should win, it became imperative that a knife be used to further argue the point, and both people were stabbed. It's worth noting that they were stabbed by the same knife, which is to say that one of them went and got the knife, stabbed the other, and then put it down. The stabbing victim then retrieved the knife and stabbed the stabber. Both claimed the other stabbed first. And in the end no one cared who won and I never saw Nicki Minaj's boomshakalaka.
Mac 'n' Cheese 'n' Stab Wounds
Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Macaroni and cheese holds a strange place in the American zeitgeist. It's a staple dish, it's comfort food, and it's the mealtime equivalent of falling asleep while masturbating with a rubber glove on -- sad, disappointing, and unfulfilling. You should never, ever try to murder someone over mac and cheese.
Save that shit for pizza.
Randy Zipperer, a man who probably never got to fulfill the porn potential of his name, became agitated one day when he was unable to find his mac and cheese. While his brother helped him look for it, Zipperer's beer was spilled, and that was the last straw. No mac and cheese was one thing, but no mac and cheese and no beer? Hell nah! So he had to stab a bitch. Guess what state this happened in, incidentally. Just guess.
Zipperer's brother was stabbed in the gut with a 6-inch kitchen knife, and police found him in the bedroom. As for Zipperer himself, he was arrested and was very apologetic, although he did let officers know that, once he was out of jail, he still had plans to beat the shit out of his brother. He also posed for this charming mugshot. Why don't you go ahead and print a copy for your wallet.
Volusia County Sheriff's Office