In this saddest display of misplaced confidence since leisure suits were invented, Ambassador Service LTD. (if that really was its name) made the ballsy move of whoring out wigs to bald men. Imagine the leaps of presumption it took to get to that moment. First you have to believe that potential clients are as vain as they are cheap and second, that once you've come to the conclusion that you need false hair to cover your bald shame, the next logical step is to borrow said false hair.
Hey dummy, you're fooling exactly NO ONE.
The further you test this thought experiment of sadness, the more depressing it gets: is it a network of men swapping wigs? Do you ship the wig back and wear a hat while you wait for the next one? Could you conceivably see someone else wearing your hair at the store later? If so, would your scalp tingle as it got closer to its old hair companion?
The saddest part of this ad is how unkind the world must have been to bald men prior to the late 90s. Bald men were so rare that actor Yul Brynner built his whole career on being the only one out there. He was certainly the only one who qualified as a sex symbol until men started shaving their heads. This was Yul Brynner, by the way.
What's the equivalent of a tiger growl noise, but classy?
So if Yul (Go Nuts For How Hot I Am!) Brynner was the only bald man in movies until Bruce Willis, Woody Harrelson, and Vin Diesel gave up the hair ghosts and shaved it off, other aging celebrities must have done the wig game all along. Not just the famously wigged guys like John Travolta and Al Pacino and William Shatner, but the classic old Hollywood icons that you never saw go bald, like Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart and Burt Reynolds. In other words, in this bizarro world where the only bald men on camera were villains, comic foils, or the captain of the Love Boat, this ad for wig rental probably did make sense to a lot of people -- which is why in the history of heartbreakingly sad ads, this ad for fake hair rental for men is the most depressing one of all time.
Kristi is a senior editor and columnist for Cracked. For more from her, check out past articles here and follow her on Twitter or Facebook.
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