I've never been to prison, but judging from what I've seen on television, it seems pretty bad. I mean, think back to what life was like for the characters on that HBO show Oz. You're stuck in an icy hellhole, men with guns are constantly coming to your door, and those goddamn moose are always- wait, I'm thinking of Alaska State Troopers. But I do definitely know one thing about prison from TV, and that's that no one would ever want to voluntarily give up their freedom and end up in a place like that. Unless they were an American and needed healthcare, that is.
Millions of bald eagles are sobbing at the irony.
At least, they might if they were James Verone. In 2011, Verone walked into a bank in Gastonia, North Carolina, and demanded the clerk hand him a dollar. When asked why he'd rob a bank for an amount of money that won't even get you a McDonald's dollar menu item anymore, Verone told police that he hadn't been able to find steady work since being laid off as a delivery driver, and desperately required surgery for his back problems, as well as someone to check out a suspicious lump growing on his chest. Since prisons in North Carolina are required to treat anyone with a chronic or emergency health problem for free, a nice three-year prison sentence would be enough to get his healthcare needs attended to.
Surgery is performed with a filed-down toothbrush, but still.