So let me be clear. I'm not just saying I wasn't "traditionally" cool. I also never found a place in some other "misfit" group where I patted other people on the back and they patted mine for not being as shallow as the cool people. I have never been cool to anybody. I was born with a bottle of Centrum Silver in one hand and a walker in the other.
Most of my other work consists of opinion pieces about whether kids should be on lawns (no).
I want to point this out because a lot of people like to jump on the "me too" bandwagon and claim they are also outsiders who have never been cool. Well, not so fast. There are a lot of new things that make you cool now, and chances are you probably do one of these things. If none of them apply to you, congratulations, I guess. You can move to Florida with me to do crossword puzzles and wait to die.