Don't worry; Nick gets out of the hospital faster than it takes most of us to get our order at Chipotle. His actions turn Gatsby into a stalker who bombards Nick with clothes, cigars, servants, and a new car, all while staying more hidden than I did at prom. It's only when Nick decides that it would be best to leave town before Gatsby gifts him a suit made from the skin of his enemies that the man shows his face. Nick takes the opportunity to drop some truth bombs.
"Face it! The woman you love will never love you back! You are just her rebound!"
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"Now let's get crunk, boiiiii!"
After a brief argument, Gatsby drops his lifelong fascination with Daisy as though it was that month he got really into Pogs. Luckily, there's someone else in his life who means a lot to him.
That man walked out that door only to stop, turn around and then walk right back in to kiss Nick passionately on the lips. It was a full frontal assault that the bombs exploded in full force into foreign territory.
Nick kissed him back with more passion as if finding vengeance on the air force base that bomb his territory.
Their oddly specific aerial-warfare-themed loving doesn't stop there. We learn that Gatsby has a "big beautiful cock" and a "rich musky scent," two details it's shocking Fitzgerald neglected to mention. And Nick knows his way around big, beautiful cocks.
"Dang it, Nick. Where did you learn to be so good?"
"The army can make you desperate for a good time when most of the time there's men. Had my first blow job there."
Gatsby ain't half bad at sausage-sucking himself. Maybe that's how he really earned his nickname.
"Oh! Oh! G-Gatsby! OH WHOA! OH MY GOHD! WAIT! JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" The man came without any control as he shrieked a sound that wasn't human.
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"WHOA! BOY HOWDY! THIS ORGASM SURE IS THE BEE'S KNEES, GATSBY!"
After several rounds of sodomy, we cut to the epilogue, in which Daisy is disappointed that Gatsby now treats her differently, Nick wonders how she could ever give up such a hunk of a man, and Gatsby is finally content with life. Let that be a lesson, folks: There's nothing wrong with a five-year monomaniacal obsession over a love that could never be, because eventually you'll stumble dick first into a perfect relationship with your neighbor. That's the American dream, baby!