5 Fanmade Games That Will Ruin Pokemon For You

Psychic Adventure plays out much like a traditional Pokemon game, except with 1,000% more rapey vibes. You're given a Drowzee, a psychic-type Pokemon that knows the moves Sleep and Hypnosis, and then, well ...

It's still your goal to travel the world and become the greatest trainer in the land. It's just that you can also, upon defeating a gym leader, put them to sleep and molest them, or turn them into a hypnotized sex slave. And there are no consequences. When you're done, the women wake up with no idea of what's happened, at least until they start to put the pieces together and you become the subject of Kanto's most popular true crime podcast.

You can even level up your Pokemon to take your sexual assaults further, in a classic example of a gameplay loop. Incredibly repulsive premise aside, the game's pixelated nude sprites and "Holy shit, you're taking a girl's bra off, dude!" writing have all the raw eroticism of a calculator displaying "BOOBS."And thanks to the terrible magic of the internet, you can express what kind of rape you'd like to see added to the next version on a forum. In a bold attempt to fight stereotypes, though, only a mere 80% of the users have avatars of big-breasted anime characters instead of the expected 100%.

Psychic Adventurewas created by an ostensible adult, but the sex scenes read like they were written by a teenager who insists that yes, he's totally had sex, and is in fact so awesome at it that the scene where youpleasure eight women at oncewas inspired by his real-life exploits. It's both a laughable and a worrying look into the fact that if we had Pokemon in reality, we would also need a whole host of specialized police units.

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Within three minutes of the title screen, you're about to be raped, but then a ghost Pokemon comes to your rescue and kills your slaver. Thus begins your quest / murder spree. You travel from town to town and disrupt sex trafficking rings, meth labs, and vague criminal schemes. You execute many of the trainers you defeat, and the game is billed as having a body count "unprecedented in any Pokemon hack," which is apparently supposed to be a plus.

It's difficult, to put it mildly, to get emotionally invested in a story where what's supposed to be a scary biker gang rolls up and threatens to rape you, and to make good on this threat, they send adorable birds and caterpillars to battle the ghost you order around. Any "gritty"Pokemoncrime drama should realistically end with a brutal criminal, frustrated over losing a fair and structured monster duel, whipping out a gun and shooting you in the face.

After you get done killing criminals by electrocuting them, setting them on fire, impaling them, cutting them apart, chopping their testicles off, and torturing them, society will magically be fixed! Then other girls hit on you, because you're so hot and cool! And this intense drama is all unfolding in the bright and colorful world of Pokemon, a franchise where you beat the shit out of other people's pets with your own pets and all they can do is tell you how great you are for it.

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Loot corpses! Contemplate the horror of a civilization in collapse! Tame adorable raccoons!

It's nice of the zombies to engage you in a Pokemon battle before attempting to gnaw your skull open, but that also goes to show how awkward it is to force zombies into the Pokemon world. It's not inherently weird to make Pokemon scary. The games do have some dark moments and clever urban legends. But in a classic example of "If less is more, think how much more more would be," there isn't just the zombie apocalypse, but also a demon invasion, murder, drunkenness, human sacrifice, an inquisition, suicide, and the literal Four Horsemen. Instead of making a single cohesive Pokemon horror game, they somehow made every Pokemon horror game at once.

By the time you've fought your 500th Pokemon that's a bird, but like, with blood and guts on it, the novelty has long worn off. By the time you're doing battle with Pestilence, the whole affair feels like a bizarre fever dream.

The further you get intoSnakewood,the more it reinforces how misguided its premise is, because with every decapitation, you desperately want to catch a cuddly Jigglypuff just to end the monotony.

Every encounter is like if Jason Vorhees busted down your door, threw your best friend's head at your feet, and then politely challenged you to a game of chess.

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A suspect is immediately arrested, then tortured by the police with the aid of their Pokemon, because this is a serious world where serious things happen.Reborn is ambitious and, to the credit of its creators, an impressive technical achievement. But it would also be an impressive technical achievement to edit Pikachu into the background of Blade Runner, and that wouldn't make it any less stupid to hear a cute yellow rabbit cry "Pika! Pikachu?" as Rutger Hauer monologued about the impermanence of life.

Reborn is set in a city called, uh, Reborn City, described by its creators as a place where "Black smog and acidic water garnish the crumbling structures along the skyline. City streets fest [sic] like alleys with disaster and crime. But the metropolis stands, a decaying blemish on the once-vibrant region." And after you get introduced to Taxi Driver: Monster Collecting Edition, you catch Pokemon and use them to battle a gym leader, only to watch that gym leader kill himself because his wife died in childbirth and he regrets how he went on to handle his relationship with their daughter. Then your rival immediately shows up to mock the suicide, which is the logical next step from the old rival catchphrase of "Smell ya later!"

Reborn sports more characters and plot twists than Game Of Thrones. Climate change has devastated the planet, Pokemon are on the verge of extinction, and some have been genetically modified into weapons of mass destruction. There are doomsday cults, child abuse, drugs, prostitution, profanity, brainwashing, terminal illnesses, and evil doctors. Throughout all of this, you have to stop a bunch of evildoers from somehow making the dyspokeia worse with their plan to reshape the Universe by manipulating a PokeGod. That last part has actually been a plot in the series before, but at least in Pokemon Platinum you could save our dimension and then not have to worry about dealing with, like, a dozen hostage situations.

It's all very "serious," but serious in the sense of "True Art must be relentlessly bleak and dour, just like we think reality is literally all the time." You can't use a video game to comment on reality if everyone in your video gameis some combination of profane, depressed, evil, destitute, criminal, and insane. We're dealing with climate change and terrorismnow,and society continues to march on as people go about their day, doing good things to counteract the bad. Having everyone in a previously lighthearted fantasy world be either miserable or cruel is like writing a story about Dora the Explorer becoming a serial killer.

Yes, you've subverted expectations, but what exactly have you proved? Anyway, here's a an evil Magmortar throwing a Medicham into a volcano:

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Yes, this is a game in which all the Pokemon are anime girls. Many of them retain various monstrous traits, but don't worry, they all have tits! Here's a five-year, 249-page forum discussionabout its many nuances.

So this is a game about capturing a collection of human women, and maybe occasionally letting them out of their magical prisons for a breath of fresh air. Take every joke you've ever heard aboutPokemonbeing dogfighting, or slavery, or animal cruelty, and apply it to people. People who are all, in a staggering coincidence, petite young women. Hey, you can even buy some human women from Team Rocket, who I guess are just slave traders now.

At least they all keep their clothes on and the player can't do anything inappropriate to them ... aside from, well, playing this game. "But they're not really women, they're animals that happen to look like women, right down to their boobs!" someone is rushing to object. Well, great. Then it's a lighthearted revision of Pokemon for people who want to have sex with quasi-sentient animals but don't want that to be too weird.

The game is billed as cute and innocent and wholesome, and it's not like the people who are playing it actually intend to capture real women, if only because they lack the requisite upper body strength. But the concept is just ... off-putting. And to explain that, go ahead and imagine what the backlash would be like if a woman released a Pokemon game in which all the Pokemon were shirtless dudes with prominent crotch bulges and everyone talked about how cute they were to oppress. Meanwhile, people write things like "While commonly accepted by the fanbase as one of the sexiest Pokemon ..." before going about their day as though that was the most unremarkable statement in the world.

I guess what I'm saying is that this game accidentally has more social commentary than the one with all the torture.

Mark is on Twitter and wrote a book.

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