Under(A)Ware Privacy Underwear
To be fair, technically underwear is a privacy product.
I'll, uh, I'll just quote the Under(A)Ware privacy underwear webpage: "In the near future sentient shopping center, item-level tagging and discrete data-sniffing will become both common corporate culture and a popular criminal activity. This popular product line consists of his and hers underwear designed to sense hidden Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) Tag readers and alert the wearer to their presence by activating small vibrators sewn into bras and boxer shorts in strategic locations."
Pictured: Strategic locations.
Yes, this is the vision of the future of anti-surveillance: We'll charge at our corporate spies tits- and/or dick-first, which will have the added bonus of making us either squirm uncomfortably or squirm extremely comfortably, depending on the strength of the vibrators. This is not exactly a new invention, per se. You can probably buy all sorts of underwear equipped with vibrators that react to things at your nearest sex shop right now. But while I can sort of get behind a buzzer that alerts you to undue surveillance -- like, maybe a wrist watch or something -- applying said buzzers directly to your naughty bits probably just causes a Pavlovian reaction where, after a week of wearing this thing, you instinctively learn to seek out as much RFID surveillance as humanly possible.
"Could ... could you spy me a little more to the left, please?"
Perhaps fortunately, the Under(A)Ware isn't a product that you can purchase right now. However, the website has all sorts of development pictures and concept sketches available, so with a little bit of dedication and engineering know-how, you can probably equip all your underwear with tiny sex toys by the end of the week. When the police inevitably turn up to to arrest you for public indecency, just remember to screech that you're only wearing a pantsful of vibrators because criminals are attempting to spy on your crotch. They'll love that.
Pauli Poisuo is a Cracked columnist and freelance editor. Here he is on Facebook and Twitter.
For more check out 6 People Who Turned the Tables on Government Surveillance and 6 New Spy Technologies You Literally Can't Hide From.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel and check out 4 Reasons to Stop Freaking Out About the NSA, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
Also follow us on Facebook. And remember, we're always watching.