5

Game Show Hosts Keep Turning Into Hardcore Conservatives

"Extremely Republican game show host" is such a common phenomenon that other publications have asked experts to look into what's causing it. The answers all seem iffy -- something about how hosting a contest makes you believe in merit-based individualism?

Let's start with Chuck Woolery. If you're under the age of dead, you may not know who he is, but he used to host a show called The Love Connection, which was like Tinder, but with a glib man judging you in front of a studio audience. Losers were sacrificed to a volcano! That's how long ago this was! These days, thanks to Twitter, we also know that Woolery is a staunch conservative and Trump supporter.

His feed continually spawns headlines like "Game Show Host Chuck Woolery Accused of Anti-Semitism After Karl Marx Vladimir Lenin Comments on Twitter." He uses his platform to decry the evils of Obama, vaunt the genius of Donald Trump, and talk about how Islam is "gonna get us all killed." If you're wondering what an elderly man who made millions doing what seems like a fairly easy job has to be angry about, good question! If you figure that out, you'll figure out America.

4

Pro Wrestlers Keep Going Into Real Estate

What kind of a retirement can you carve out for yourself if your main skill is jumping off of turnbuckles to fake dropping an elbow on another human being? Well, once the life of a wrestler hits that crossroads where they need to find a new career, a lot of them seem to turn to real estate.

3

Comedians Love To Play Psychopaths

It's perfectly normal for comedians to hit middle age and decide they want dramatic roles. You're not gonna win awards for playing Adam Sandler's fat friend in Fart Vacation 3. But there's another pervasive trend of comedians deciding that the best way to break out of typecasting is to play psychopaths. Maybe they're taking the Jim Carrey Cable Guy strategy as a template?

Take Dane Cook, who played an aspiring serial killer in the movie Mr. Brooks. Now, no one really liked Mr. Brooks, and if Stereogum is to be believed, it's one of the worst movies ever, in large part because of Dane Cook. Still, this was a guy famous for his college-targeted stand-up at the height of his career. In 2006, Cook hosted the Teen Choice Awards, and in 2007 he became only the second comedian in history to sell out Madison Square Garden. That was the year this movie came out. It was a bold career choice, is what I'm saying.

Even more unsettling was Mo'Nique's turn as the mother in Precious. After making a name for herself in stand-up and starring in some sitcoms, she got the role of Mary Lee Johnston and basically transformed from one of the queens of comedy into a terrifying abusive monster.

2

Action Stars Become Born-Again Christians

Far be it from me to criticize anyone who found Jesus. Or Buddha, Muhammad, or the space monster Scientologists worship. If you're being fulfilled and making life better, then good for you. But I still think it's a weird trend that stars who get famous for destroying other people on film often decide that in their personal lives, they're all about dat redemption.

Like Chuck Norris, who admits that he strayed from his faith for some years before discovering an affair had led to a daughter he never knew existed. Norris is very much about giving God all the credit for the good in his life, and even writes books on the subject.

'90s TV hero Kevin Sorbo takes it further. He spent years playing Hercules on a show produced by Sam Raimi, the guy who gave us The Evil Dead. Then Sorbo nearly died from an aneurysm, which set him on his current pious path in life. That's why he gave up being an action star to focus on movies like Let There Be Light, in which he got to pretend to be an atheist and use his own script to dunk on himself.

Then there's Chris Tucker, who at one point was the highest-paid actor in Hollywood thanks to the three Rush Hour movies and almost nothing else. Word has it that it was sometime in the late '90s that Tucker found God and cleaned up his act -- and I mean that literally, in that he actually took the cursing out of his stand-up routine.

1

Porn Stars Frequently Turn Political

In a galaxy brain kind of way, this one almost makes too much sense. If you keep up with current events, you already know about Stormy Daniels taking on Donald Trump, but her first foray into politics had nothing to do with him. In 2009, she was a Senate contender in Louisiana.

Mimi Miyagi and Mary Carey both tried for governor in their respective states of Nevada and California. Part of Carey's platform included the "Porn for Pistols" initiative, which would have swapped guns for porn in an effort to clean up the streets. She also wanted to have webcams running in the governor's mansion so you could see politics at work. I say add a scrolling chat window too so that citizens could curse at them in real time.

Across the pond, Italian adult film actresses have more political success. Milly D'Abbraccio, Moana Pozzi, and Ilona Staller all made their mark in Italian politics. Staller was elected to Parliament in 1987 after a fairly robust porn career, proving Italians are deadass chill people. Pozzi and D'Abbraccio both ran as members of the Love Party but didn't succeed in their bids. But hey, they tried! D'Abbraccio used pics of her butt in political ads, and ran on a platform trying to get a red light district built a few blocks away from the Vatican.