A man receives an email containing grave news: An assassin has been hired to kill him! The email is from ... THE ASSASSIN HIMSELF. He was hired by one of the mark's closest friends. Who? Why? Before these questions can be answered, international assassin Dai Teatime offers an alternative: His investigation into the mark has yielded no reason why he should be killed. For a ransom, he will reveal who hired him. Dai is the best assassin in the world (if you're signing emails with your full name and telling people you're an "international assassin," you must be pretty damn good, right?), so what is it about this target that makes him reveal himself and his mission?
The mark is Thaxton Brigaand, billionaire and philanthropist. Thaxton made a fortune in the tech industry and now spends his retirement helping poor African nations get basic modern technology like singing Japanese toilets. His philanthropic ways began soon after he made his first billion, after which he received an email from a desperate African school teacher who needed money to keep local rebels away from her students. It turned out to be a Nigerian scam email, but the millions of dollars Thaxton gave to a sweaty den of email scammers allowed one young man to pay for an entire graduate and post-graduate education, ultimately receiving a doctorate in assassination.
Rawpixel Ltd/iStock/Getty Images
"And now for the ceremonial throwing of the caps so our sniping majors can blow them to bits."