3

Most Victims Don't Have The Money Or Power To Say Anything

I've done the math. As of this writing, the average Weinstein accuser is 44 years old and is describing things that happened about 20 years ago. If it took a mini-army of famous, rich victims and the combined efforts of journalists working for The New York Times and The New Yorker to tease those stories out of them, how in the world can we expect women who are living paycheck-to-paycheck to do the same? We shouldn't.

There are waitresses, housekeepers, retail workers, teachers, and housewives out there who can't afford to tell their stories. They don't have another job lined up, and most people can't bank on the justice system or HR department to make sure everything turns out OK in the end. Especially not when history tells us it won't. And what really sucks is that their harassers know it too.

Even kids can imagine the financial cost of confiding their abuse. A child who is in a dangerous situation at home may not worry about their career trajectory, but they know that telling grownups about molestation by a primary breadwinner might lead to a divorce, a separation, a move, a change in schools, or actual hunger and years of poverty. And that might be the best scenario -- that's if the child has someone whom they can trust will take action to protect them. Kids aren't dumb. They know their teachers aren't going to adopt them and make sure the lights stay on at home once the abuse is known. Some kids do the math and decide they'd rather just continue in pain than disrupt their world.

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Victims Might Get A Powerful Person's Reprimand

For years, Corey Feldman has been screaming that Hollywood is full of child molesters who prey on young actors, that some of them targeted him and his friend Corey Haim, and that at least one of the predators is still working in Hollywood. Nobody has taken him seriously ... ever. He even said he named names back in 1993. None of those names were Michael Jackson, so no one cared. Here's a 2013 video of acclaimed journalist Barbara Walters looking at Feldman like he's an idiot before cutting him off mid-sentence by exclaiming, "You're damaging an entire industry!"

Walters has not apologized yet. I predict she'll say something in a few days. On a related note, here's what acclaimed fashion designer Donna Karan said in the immediate aftermath of the Weinstein allegations:

"... how do we display ourselves? How do we present ourselves as women? What are we asking? Are we asking for it by presenting all the sensuality and all the sexuality?

In other words, "Ladies and girls, are your yoga pants and bare midriffs inviting assault? Maaaaaybe?" (Update: She's since apologized.)

1

Victims Might Get A Powerful Person's Weird Attempt At Empathy

As the Weinstein scandal unfolded, nonvictim and documented molester Ben Affleck stepped forward with a statement denouncing Weinstein's actions. He also said, "We need to do better at protecting our sisters, friends, co-workers, and daughters," which caused the world to make a collective record scratch before answering, "Wait, what now?" Apparently, nobody told homeboy that Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, Donald Trump, and Bill Clinton also have daughters and have historically sucked in their relationships with women.

Obviously, no one should have to bring a female human into the world to grasp the seriousness of sexual assault. And protection shouldn't be a part of this conversation. Women don't want their dads and co-workers to act like bodyguards when other people's dads and co-workers walk into the room; they want to not be raped. So, bad job at reading the room, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.

That being said, I get it. The Blunder Twins were each putting their brains in the scariest spot in the world, imagining that someone out there could hurt your child. My list of all-time worst fears range from falling down a gentle hill to the general concept of fire, but number one is someone sexually assaulting one of my children. I'd rather fall down an elevator shaft and land on a pack of evil clowns (who are on fire) than imagine one of my kids being violated.

I'll put it this way: I don't know Rose McGowan or Ashley Judd or the more than 40 (!) other women who have so far stepped forward with accusations against Weinstein. I've read their stories, and I imagine that if Weinstein had asked me to watch him shower or give him a massage, I would have responded with the same disgust they did. But if someone told me that it was an adult version of my daughter or son in the same scenario, my emotions go into overdrive. If the victim is me, I'm grossed out. If the victim is my daughter, I'm Liam Neesing. When Trayvon Martin was killed, President Obama said "this could have been my son," and that was the most intimate, empathetic thing he could say in that moment.

So yeah, men, if it takes picturing your child (or a friend or sister or mom or me, whatever) as a victim for you to get interested in the conversation, that's fine. Just make it a mental exercise and don't be weird about it.

Read more from Kristi on Twitter.

For more, check out 5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women and 7 Reasons So Many Guys Don't Understand Sexual Consent.

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