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Sammy Sosa's Amazing Pinterest

Sammy Sosa is a retired baseball player. According to Wikipedia, he hit over 600 home runs. He is one of two players to reach 160 RBIs in a season and the only player in history to hit 60 home runs in a single season three times. He is very good at baseball.

None of that matters. Sammy Sosa will be remembered for one thing and one thing only: his Pinterest page.

Pinterest

You can view Sammy Sosa as either a plastic-haired robot programmed to swat at baseballs and get photographed or a grinning alien who is absolutely blowing his mission of fitting in on Earth. I choose the alien angle, but it doesn't matter. The important thing is the entire page is like that. Pinterest is an online pinboard where you can "organize and share things you love," which, on whatever baseball planet Sammy Sosa is from, translates to "pictures of me in suit hello smile goodbye!"

Pinterest

Every single goddamn picture features Sammy Sosa posing in his apartment at one of the two photo shoots he set up for his Pinterest account. His poses run the gamut, from Confrontationally Sexy ...

Pinterest

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Eminem's "Lose Yourself" With "Mom's Spaghetti" Randomly Thrown In

I'm sure you think you understand the gist of this video by the title of this entry, and it probably doesn't sound funny to you. Just trust me.

Watch that video. Marshall Mathers is a rapper who spent years honing and perfecting his craft. "Big Mitch Baker" is an editor, probably someone who took a few classes in either film editing or audio engineering. I don't think either of them ever knew that they were both, from the instant they were born, marching down a path that would inevitably lead them here, to a version of the universe where a rap song featuring "Mom's Spaghetti" 30 fucking times exists. It's one of the dumbest things I've ever laughed at for two-and-a-half straight minutes.

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Official NASA Transcripts

NASA apparently keeps transcripts of everything that our astronauts say while they're in space, doing their space thing. One of our writers, Maxwell Yezpitelok, brought this particular transcript to my attention. He subsequently turned me on to my new favorite blog, Distractions in Space, a blog dedicated to collecting interesting excerpts from these NASA transcripts. There are probably a lot of fascinating lessons and stories in those transcripts, but I only learned one thing: floating poop is a real problem for astronauts.

DistractionsInSpace

That transcript comes from the Apollo 10. I have no idea how this happened, I just thank the comedy gods every day that it did. A bunch of astronauts were out in space, doing space things, and then poop started floating around, and I got to hear about it, and now I'll never be sad again.

DistractionsInSpace

Hahaha. Gross. I can't even riff on this, because the visual of a bunch of astronauts watching a turd and arguing over whose it is and never finding out is funnier than anything I could ever come up with. It's just a hazard that astronauts never talk about in those videos they send to elementary schools. "It's really nice to see the moon up close, but sometimes you get hit by poop and you don't know the source because space is ... difficult. And we have one guy on our ship who is troublingly defensive about how sticky his poop is."

DistractionsInSpace

Finding this was, without question, the happiest day of my life.

Daniel O'Brien is Cracked.com's head writer (ladies). Cheer up, everybody!