And he hated harmless family comedy North so motherfucking much that I might never stop smiling.
One of my favorite things to see in the world is a rage that is in no way proportionate to an offense, so a little context is important here. North is a 1994 film by Rob Reiner about a boy (Elijah Wood) who, fed up with his parents, gets himself emancipated and seeks out a new family. Along the way, he has some side adventures and encounters many interesting characters, including Bruce Willis dressed as the Easter bunny.
I watched the film as a kid, and I remember it being mostly OK. Any time there's a movie where it seems like a child is in charge living in a world that's either without parents or without parental authority is usually a home run for kids. I probably liked it less than similar "kid hits the road to make it on his own"-type movies, but I seem to recall enjoying it. At the very worst, I would call North mostly forgettable and generally inoffensive.
But I'm not Roger Motherfucking Ebert.
In just under 600 words, Ebert absolutely destroys this movie, and it's so much fun to watch. North is a mediocre family movie, but in Ebert's eyes it's like eight holocausts. He calls the role of the main character a punishment to poor Elijah Wood and calls any of the other actors forced to be in this film victims, as if Dan Aykroyd, Alan Arkin, Bruce Willis, Kathy Bates, and Jason Alexander had killed a whole family and being in North was their court-appointed sentence. It's amazing, because if you watch this movie, I guarantee that you'll walk away from it and the worst thing you'll think is "Eh, that wasn't really worth my time."