I'd never experienced how awful this is until just recently, and I'm still coming to terms with my creepy feelings on the matter. For anonymity's sake, we'll say a fellow by the name of A. Tod Brown apparently wants to be my friend. Now, right here I need to stop and invite you all to shake your head with me. When's the last time you, as an adult, legitimately wanted to make a new friend? Not when did you make a friend, because that shit happens organically, and that's exactly how it's supposed to happen. You work with this dude who also thinks it's hilarious when the secretary forgets her meds and wears her bra outside her clothes and you bond over that and end up going out for beers some evening after work. Friendship! You do not schedule play dates.
Despite how obvious it is that a man should never ask another man on a date when neither man is gay, I guess this sort of thing happens. And the very unnaturalness of it made me not want to partake at all. That dude could have been taking me out for steaks and beers and rides in limos full of boobs and more steaks and beers and it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because I was approached in the most blunt-force-trauma-to-the-face manner possible. I was literally asked if I wanted to go out some time. I am not Molly Ringwald. You do not ask such things of me. Of anyone. It's not done.