25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Behind the picket fences and bay windows of America's affluence, a war is raging. Parents are locked in a heated battle with each other that is somehow ugly, vicious and spectacularly boring all at the same time; it is the fight over who can love their kids the hardest. The battle grounds are parks, play dates and birthday parties where Moms and dads wield violins, Latin Language DVDs and thousand dollar strollers like weapons built exclusively to shame and belittle anyone else who has the audacity to call themselves a good parent. And just like any war, the only real winners are the arms dealers. Toddler clothing boutiques, and asinine product manufacturers have no allegiance except to profit, and they will forever spit out new products that offer conspicuous superiority for the parents who can afford them. Oh, and for kids. They are also for kids.

25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

...Somehow.

The newest addition to this arsenal is the lunchbox letter. Some parents have been putting notes in kids' lunchboxes for decades, presumably to remind the other children in the cafeteria what real love looks like, or to teach their own child the fundamentals of taking a punch. But until recently, parents were using this method to embarrass their children for free. Not anymore. Pottery Barn, Target and a handful of small vendors have alleviated mothers and fathers the hassle of loving their kid on paper by doing it for them. They've compiled hundreds of benign phrases like "You're so creative!" or "I love how smart you are!" and printed them on card stock which parents can cram between thermoses and carrot sticks regardless of how untrue they may be. These companies have stolen what was once a spontaneous act of affection and used it to perpetuate the status competition between parents instead. I cannot abide.

When you're at school, don't forget I exist!"When you're at school, don't forget I exist!"

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


In retaliation I've repurposed 25 of the highest selling, most expensive cards and now I offer them to any parent with a printer and scissors. I think you will find that mine are not only intimate and suited for every occasion, they are also hundred times more free. I guarantee that when the other kids in the cafeteria see these refreshing nuggets of honesty, they will run home to plead with their own parents for notes just like them. In the end, isn't that what you really want?

25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement



25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement


25 Honest Lunchbox Letters From Parents to Children


You can follow Soren Bowie on twitter. Or, if you already are, make a brand new account and relive the magic of following him for the first time.


To turn on reply notifications, click here

410 Comments

Load Comments

More Blogs

5 Weirdly Specific Movie Tropes That Are Suddenly Everywhere

How did these hyper-specific tropes spread so quickly?

110

5 People Who Abused Their Power For Terrible Music Careers

Most rich kids just want to be pop stars.

79

4 Dark Alternate Theories About Famous Hollywood Deaths

The Hollywood rumor mill has been playing games with celebrity deaths for at least a century.

47

4 Accolades That Don't Really Mean Anything Anymore

It's easy to work the system and win these awards even if you don't deserve them.

113

5 Modern Traditions That Are Stupid BS

It's weird how many traditions we've come up with in recent years kinda suck.

327

The 4 Most Annoying Trends In 'Prestige' TV Shows

After a while all these prestige TV shows start to look the same.

156